I have found a new hobby. I will start collecting words that sound like vulgarities, but really are not. For example: Kumquat: as in Pickle you, Kumquat! I actually had a website block a post I made using that phrase. This comes from a gum commercial.
Tube Sock: I originally heard this used as “put a tube sock in it.” But, I think it is more of a “Listen up tube sock.” kind of a thing.
Twitter and Google these sound to me like dirty activities.
Tenderfoot, Gooseneck, Danforth, Woodplank, Gimblet, Dogwatch, These words all sound dirty but I don’t really know why.
I have discovered that certain words when used as either prefixes or suffixes will always sound dirty.
For example:
Grit-, Toe-, Dutch-, Dill-, Love-, caster-,
Or
-wagon, -sack, -lick, -bag, -purge, -eye, -knob, -nugget, -apple, -knocker, -carnival, -wipe, -treat, -nozzle, -monkey, -glider, -spackle, -munch, -cheese.
Doesn’t Spraynozzle, Sandbag or Casterangle sound vile? How about Noseapple, Doorknocker, or Dutchtreat? Lovepump, Dillweed and Sugarglider?
It seems highly appropriate to me that since tomorrow is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, That I should point out fo how vulgar nautical terms can be:
Gunklode, Gunwale, Keelhaul, Kingspoke, Eyesplice, Baggywrinkles, Barepole, Beamreach, Boltrope, Yardarm, Anchorchoke, Backstaff, Bouyant, Pitchpole, Anchorchock, Bungmallet, Bilgepump and Futtock.
Enjoy the tardcarnival.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Good Luck, Mr. Gorski
A coworker is telling an funny story about Neil Armstrong and the famous quote about his neighbor. You’ve heard the Mr. Gorski reference right? If not look it up when you are at home. I hadn’t heard the entire story just the quote “Good luck, Mr. Gorski.” He, the co-worker, finished up by saying it is a true story.
We’ve all gotten e-mails with titles like “Yesterday in the Gulf of Mexico” where they show a tornado next to a lightning bolt next to an oil rig. Or, recently declassified WTC photos. Or, Nationwide gas boycott on Wednesday.
The people who pass these along or retell these stories want to share something with you that they appreciated hearing. They like me, I get it. But the problem is that much of what you hear or read, especially if it is online is embellished or outright fabricated.
The Gorski story is from an old Buddy Hackett routine.
The Tornado and lightning bolt photo is many years old and has been used on posters. All people do is Photoshop a current picture into the shot.
The WTC photos were all the same ones we’ve seen for 8 years now.
The gas boycott usually asks you to fill-up on a different day, which of course does nothing to reduce overall usage.
How do I know all this? Snopes.com. They are the debunkers of urban myths. Give them a try before hitting the forward e-mail button.
Now, if I can just get people to stop sending me the chain mails. “Send this to 10 people or you will be punched in the face. Ethel Jones of Wicakashaw, Minnesota didn’t and now she has her jaw wired shut.”
We’ve all gotten e-mails with titles like “Yesterday in the Gulf of Mexico” where they show a tornado next to a lightning bolt next to an oil rig. Or, recently declassified WTC photos. Or, Nationwide gas boycott on Wednesday.
The people who pass these along or retell these stories want to share something with you that they appreciated hearing. They like me, I get it. But the problem is that much of what you hear or read, especially if it is online is embellished or outright fabricated.
The Gorski story is from an old Buddy Hackett routine.
The Tornado and lightning bolt photo is many years old and has been used on posters. All people do is Photoshop a current picture into the shot.
The WTC photos were all the same ones we’ve seen for 8 years now.
The gas boycott usually asks you to fill-up on a different day, which of course does nothing to reduce overall usage.
How do I know all this? Snopes.com. They are the debunkers of urban myths. Give them a try before hitting the forward e-mail button.
Now, if I can just get people to stop sending me the chain mails. “Send this to 10 people or you will be punched in the face. Ethel Jones of Wicakashaw, Minnesota didn’t and now she has her jaw wired shut.”
Monday, September 14, 2009
The latest
1. I have two time cards I have to fill out for work. The first one is going away and so we were told we could just refer to the new one for the daily entries. The new one requires us to be detailed in our entries. The system has us break down the day into chunks of time and write up what we did in that chunk.
A couple of weeks ago we were again told that the old system will be going away, but that we now had to copy the exact entries in to the write-up sections as we put in the new system.
So the old system is going away but you now have to fill it out more completely than ever before, until it does. Asinine.
2. On September 11, 2001, the Dow Jones closed at 9605. It closed at 9605 on September 11, 2009 as well. Does it mean anything? No.
3. Why to wide receivers and runningbacks celebrate when they make touchdowns? Isn’t that their job? I think Vince Lombardi said “act like you've been there before.” One exception: If you are a 350 lb lineman and some how you score a touchdown, You celebrate all you wnat. If that is, you can catch your breath.
4. One of the most memorable images for me of the September 11th attacks was “The Falling Man.” This image apparently was quite controversial, and I didn’t discover it until one of the anniversaries. It for me really causes me to pause an reflect. Seemingly, it causes that same effect in others. On you tube there is a documentary about the attempt, for better or worse, of identifying the man in the photo. If you are interested you can find it here
5. I find it annoying that people will use an elevator to go up or down one floor. I find people who stand on moving sidewalks and escalators annoying as well.
6. I find it disrespectful to refer to significant dates in abbreviated form. For example: 6/6 or 12/7. I would rather they be referred to as the name of the event. D-Day or Pearl Harbor. That is a little more difficult with September 11th. The events of that day happened at multiple locations. This difficulty leads me to refer to them by the date. The significance of those events causes me to refer to them by as proper a name as I can.
7. The fire alarm goes off about twice a week here. It seems people are unfamiliar with how to cook with-out burning food. I suppose it might not be wise to deep fry a steak. When I moved in I had to use an entire bottle of Febreeze, to remove the burnt curry popcorn stench. So far today: 4 times in 3 hours.
8. that's all I got
A couple of weeks ago we were again told that the old system will be going away, but that we now had to copy the exact entries in to the write-up sections as we put in the new system.
So the old system is going away but you now have to fill it out more completely than ever before, until it does. Asinine.
2. On September 11, 2001, the Dow Jones closed at 9605. It closed at 9605 on September 11, 2009 as well. Does it mean anything? No.
3. Why to wide receivers and runningbacks celebrate when they make touchdowns? Isn’t that their job? I think Vince Lombardi said “act like you've been there before.” One exception: If you are a 350 lb lineman and some how you score a touchdown, You celebrate all you wnat. If that is, you can catch your breath.
4. One of the most memorable images for me of the September 11th attacks was “The Falling Man.” This image apparently was quite controversial, and I didn’t discover it until one of the anniversaries. It for me really causes me to pause an reflect. Seemingly, it causes that same effect in others. On you tube there is a documentary about the attempt, for better or worse, of identifying the man in the photo. If you are interested you can find it here
5. I find it annoying that people will use an elevator to go up or down one floor. I find people who stand on moving sidewalks and escalators annoying as well.
6. I find it disrespectful to refer to significant dates in abbreviated form. For example: 6/6 or 12/7. I would rather they be referred to as the name of the event. D-Day or Pearl Harbor. That is a little more difficult with September 11th. The events of that day happened at multiple locations. This difficulty leads me to refer to them by the date. The significance of those events causes me to refer to them by as proper a name as I can.
7. The fire alarm goes off about twice a week here. It seems people are unfamiliar with how to cook with-out burning food. I suppose it might not be wise to deep fry a steak. When I moved in I had to use an entire bottle of Febreeze, to remove the burnt curry popcorn stench. So far today: 4 times in 3 hours.
8. that's all I got
Friday, September 11, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Who does that?
I recently flew a public carrier again. Yes, they still have the special lane for the first class people. Wouldn't the people in first class rather be seated last, and avoid the rest of us riff raff? But, OK.
I met a new favorite person: Mr. I have no idea how this works. I kind of feel for the guy, but flying isn't that hard. If your boarding pass says "Group 3" and you can read it and say it out loud to the people around you, you should probably wait until group 3 is called and not stand in front of the ticket reading machine.
Of course this was not his only difficulty. He also had about 3 minutes worth of trouble with the overhead bin.
But he is not the only thing grinding my gears.
Who are the people who partially fill out the crossword and sudoku puzzles? and in pen? What? was it too tough? Was the flight too short? did you get bored?
I don't really think that people who do these want your help. These are not really team events.
And just so you know, the Sky Mall catalog is "Free. Take it and we will replace it." It says so right on the cover. So you don't need to tear out the pages you want. You condemn the rest of America to a month of not knowing what is on the fourth page of the Design Toscano ad, or the latest innovation from Hammacher Schlemmer. I mean one can only read the safety card so many times.
I met a new favorite person: Mr. I have no idea how this works. I kind of feel for the guy, but flying isn't that hard. If your boarding pass says "Group 3" and you can read it and say it out loud to the people around you, you should probably wait until group 3 is called and not stand in front of the ticket reading machine.
Of course this was not his only difficulty. He also had about 3 minutes worth of trouble with the overhead bin.
But he is not the only thing grinding my gears.
Who are the people who partially fill out the crossword and sudoku puzzles? and in pen? What? was it too tough? Was the flight too short? did you get bored?
I don't really think that people who do these want your help. These are not really team events.
And just so you know, the Sky Mall catalog is "Free. Take it and we will replace it." It says so right on the cover. So you don't need to tear out the pages you want. You condemn the rest of America to a month of not knowing what is on the fourth page of the Design Toscano ad, or the latest innovation from Hammacher Schlemmer. I mean one can only read the safety card so many times.
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