The Complete Exhaustive Top 12 List of Worst Christmas Songs that I Am Familiar With, ver. 2009

I love Christmas songs. I have been listening to them all day on Pandora. I have the car radio set to the Christmas station. I have stuff on my Ipod and have been downloading new stuff. I will even get a hankering for it in June or July. In my family we don’t really decorate all the much but we collect Christmas albums.
I am very open about my Christmas music. I will listen to just about any kind: Religious to Secular, traditional, Punk, Heavy Metal, Cabbage Patch to Surf guitar, I love it all. If Shatner had a spoken word Christmas album out I’d give it a whirl.
I have a couple of new favorites: Los Straitjackets and “Must be Santa” by Bob Dylan.
I reconfirm that Karen Carpenter and Nat King Cole are some of the best singers of all time. And the Time Life Treasury of Christmas is one of the best albums.
I thought I’d gather my thoughts about Christmas music and compile the definitive list of worst Christmas Songs. I tried to limit myself to mainstream songs (if we got into novelty songs, we’d be here for weeks), and to focus on individual songs not just bad recordings (Dean Martin’s “Rudy the Red-nosed Reindeer,” or the Andrews Sisters “Jingle Bells”).
So I present for your consideration:
“The Complete Exhaustive Top 12 List of Worst Christmas Songs that I Am Familiar With, ver. 2009”
1. Happy X-mas (war is over); Stupid protest era Lennon song. This is the Yoko influence and just stinks to high heaven. I also hate “Imagine” but that is screed for a different time
2. Feliz Navidad; it only has 19 words I the whole song, it isn’t in English, it isn’t in Spanish, but it does suck.
3. The 12 Days of Christmas; this song makes no sense, is it supposed to be about Hanukkah? If so they can’t count. Is it about slavery? I mean who gives someone another person for a gift? The only redeeming part is the Five Golden Rings.
4. Baby, It’s Cold Outside; Look man, no means no.
5. Santa Baby; I realized Santa is married, but I don’t want to think of him as a sexual being, alright? And the whole sugar daddy thing is creepy.
6. Christmas Don’t Be Late (The Chipmunk Song); One might think this is a novelty song but it won three Grammy Awards, and was a number 1 single. Why? I don’t know. I hate this song so much it should be on this list twice.
7. Christmas Time is Here {from A Charlie Brown Christmas (Vocal version)}; the tune is good but the plodding dirge like vocals! Seasonal Disaffective Disorder anyone? Come to think of it, the instrumental version makes me want to stick pencils into my eardrums as well.
8. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer; I used to like this song when I was a 12 year old smart ass.
9. Christmas All Over Again; this was written by Tom Petty and while I normally like him, this is a poor piece of work. What is Christmas really that tedious? Get into the spirit of it man.
10. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus; Apparently the Catholic Church got worked up about it when it came out. I don’t get worked up. I hit the skip button.
11. Wonderful Christmastime; I think he released this because the other fab two (Ringo gets no respect) had holiday songs out, so he kind of had to do something.
12. Peace on Earth (the version with Bing Crosby and David Bowie that is combined with Little Drummer Boy); yes I am breaking one of my rules. And since they are mine, I’ll break them all I want. This song in addition to the hey we don’t know each other lameness, has lyrics like “Every child must be made to…” What? Some sort of leftist forced education? Dude, it is the holidays give it a rest.
Honorable Mentions
13. Do they Know It’s Christmastime by Band-Aid; This is one of those mid 80’s social movement songs, and while I kind of like it, many people don’t.
14. Blue Christmas, Elvis Presley; It is such a uniqe recording that no one else should even try. So other versions are bad. But even the King's annoys people. I guess it is too stylized
15. Little Drummer Boy; Apparently this song gives people headaches.
16. Manheim Steamroller; They are fine for a while but it just becomes too much after about 3 times. They are overplayed, because people think it is a neat alternative to the more overplayed stuff. Problem is people have thought this for the last 20 years.