Are you a Superhero too?

I am becoming a superhero. You see I have developed the power of invisibility.
Let me clarify. It is not a fully developed power just yet. It seems that among certain people I cannot be seen. They don’t acknowledge when I say hello. There is no thank-you for holding open a door. People in elevators don’t see me approaching, and let the doors close before I get there.
Apparently, I also have a bit of a “Midas Touch” as well. It seems the things I use appear not to have an owner and are therefore available for others to commandeer.
In the office recently a group of people was moved to another part of the building. In the process of their moving, they gathered up everything they would need. Of course this included, file folders, pens, highlighters, three-hole punches, staplers and paperclips. They even took keyboards, power cords, computer mice and trashcans. The only thing they left at my desk was used staples and dust bunnies.
The use of two mice makes sense since I’m sure all these paper pushers will actually use each mouse as a controller for a separate robotic arm that will perform life saving surgery or perform delicate work in a nuclear reactor or something. Now why a person needs two keyboards, is beyond me.
The most amazing thing is that a few days later these same folks brought down box loads of office supplies. They brought clipboards, drawer organizers, pens and printer paper in such quantities, that they put some in the hallways with a sign that read “free.” It appears that other people are developing powers s well. This was a modern-day office space miracle!! It is like the fishes and the loaves. They took a few office supplies that someone was using, and came back with enough for the entire building. And here I was about to complain.
But they never did bring back my stapler, so I’m going to have to burn down the building.

Rats=Lentils

I’m watching a program about exterminators on the Discovery Channel. This program is about people who need an exterminator to do away with pests or vermin that have invaded their homes. Now, not every one on the program is a disgusting slob, but the severity of the problem is usually directly related to the lack of the occupants' hygiene.
One group of homeowners has a SEVERE rat infestation. The real problem is that these three women are vegans.
Vegans as you know hold themselves to a strict code of using little to no animal products. They call an exterminator because of the rat problem. Apparently, the infestation is so bad that the exterminator recommends putting out traps and killing the rats in a process that will take about a week. But, these ladies have a “moral” objection to killing these rats. The 100% natural method of rat removal is estimated to take a year.
Waiting a year, while in line with their morals, is just too long to wait. So what is a principled vegan to do?
They propose a trade to the terminator man. If he will live as a vegan, they will let him have his way with the rats. OK, how is the exterminator responsible for the rat problem? Why is it attractive to him to live as a vegan? He is not the one with the problem or the one who wants the problem removed. They are acting like he wants to just come in and kill animals, and so to allow him to do so they are going to put some stipulations on him.
THEY CALLED HIM!!!.
Ok next problem: If killing rats is evil, how does his temporary vegan diet offset their guilt? They are ones who don’t want to wait patiently for the method that complies with their chosen lifestyle, to be effective.
Third problem: I thought it was intolerant and insensitive to force your lifestyle on others.
Fourth problem: Even though he didn’t want to, the Exterminator manager agreed to it, making his employee live this lifestyle. They did not seem to be desperate for work, and since they were on TV they had an alternate income source. Since when is it appropriate for an employer to make these demands of his employees? Why did he not agree to live the vegan life?
I posted earlier in my anti-smoking Nazi rant, that the customer has no right to demand certain behaviors of the business owner. If the businessman wants to he can meet the demands.
This whole thing has reduced me to a sputtering incoherent mess. This is unbelievable on so many levels.

Hey buddy, can you spare a dime?

I have been known to help people out. I have purchased a tank of gas for the guy who said he ran out and was stranded. I’ve purchased food for someone who said they needed some. However, one thing I do not do is give money to panhandlers.
Feel free to call me insensitive, but I just don’t believe it to be a good idea. That and, I usually don’t carry cash anyway.
Since I am so stingy what I write has no bearing on the situation, but you are the one who’s reading this and it didn’t cost you anything.

Rules for Panhandlers
1. Don’t dress nicer than I do. If you have alligator shoes and pressed slacks, I don’t believe you need my help.
2. Don’t shake your money container at me. There may be some people who will instantly pull out their cash at the melodic sound of change in a cup, but I expect more of a show.
A. Don’t look like you are dying of boredom. Display a little drive or ambition. If you play an instrument that is a great way to impress people.
3. Don’t approach me with “Hey man, I just got out of jail.” I already suspect you will not use the money that was formerly mine for food, don’t give me any other reason to doubt your sincerity. (Of course since he is a criminal I should be happy he didn’t shoot me.)
4. If you are in your 30s don’t hold up a “Viet Nam Vet” sign. At least update it to Iraq or Afghanistan or something. If you claim Bosnia or Somalia, I might give you something for creativity.
5. Don’t ask the women passing by for their phone number. It doesn’t work for construction guys and they are employed.

A public service announcement brought to you by this blog.

I was Bombthrower

Last week I posed as “Bombthrower” on several threads at bighollywood. I was inspired by John T. Simpson's post (http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/07/15/my-secret-life-as-a-conservative-republican/). Before I get too far into this I need to apologize to Burt Prelutsky (http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/bprelutsky/2009/07/16/indicting-the-usual-suspects/) and Gary Graham (http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/ggraham/2009/07/16/obama-wants-to-buck-us-up/) for hijacking their threads. But, I knew they could handle it based on the hateful comments they get on a regular basis.

I was one of a minority who thought Mr. Simpsons over the top comments were a good way to disarm the lunacy of those who would try to paint all conservatives with the same brush. I took the stereotypes that we all hear and used comments similar to them to see what would happen. (I like to take the stance of ‘if the shoe don’t fit, don’t try to wear it’ Why defend against something that isn’t true?)

Some people got upset. Some people laughed. My intention was to show how stupid it would be for someone to actually try and point the stereotype finger at us. The accuser (me) came across as an idiot. It got to the point that I couldn’t even pretend anymore and just started having fun.

I have learned a few things:
1. Bombthrowing is fun. Sorry but it really was.
2. Only a true believer could continue with certain lines of reasoning
3. For a site dedicated to Hollywood and pop-culture (industries that would die without free speech), we have a lot of people here who don’t seem to appreciate free speech. (I heard a saying once: “You can’t offend me, because I choose not to be offended.” Take that as you use fit.)
a. As such my personal computer is blocked from posting comments, even if I am logged in as my normal user name. This appears to be what hitting the “report” button does; I have no idea if it is permanent. (If anyone at BH or intense debate could un-block me I would be grateful. I have learned my lesson and won’t do it again.)
4. I learned that some people will never change their minds about anything. I feel for those who post here and thoughtfully express their counter opinion. You may not get me to come around, but you have my respect. It is difficult to do even without people jumping down your throat.
5. Some of the people who post here are very skilled thinkers and writers. I thought I did a fair job of it, I realize that I have to step up my ability to explain my positions.

I appreciate the hosts and editors letting me use the site as a laboratory. I acknowledge it was self indulgent. I wonder how many of our so called “trolls” are serious about not liking us, or are just have some fun at our expense. I’d bet many are just trying to see what will happen.

I'm glad you're dead

I have just learned about the potential demise of the Crocs brand of “shoes.” Ok it is not dead yet, but it is apparently on it’s last legs.
While I normally don’t celebrate the failure of a company. In this case, I will make an exception.
These are the ugliest footwear ever devised. Many people tout them. “Oh, they are so comfortable.” Lots of things are comfortable, but you don’t have to wear them in public. “They are made of antimicrobial foam.” And, It is a good thing because they make your feet sweat.
I am surprised by the number of women who bought these abominations. In many cases these were women who are “Shoe People.”
These shoes only ever looked good on small children, not adults. I once worked with a woman who had a pair that matched every outfit she owned. They didn’t just coordinate, they matched. I’d bet she bought the cloths to go with the shoes.
Now, I do feel for the doctors and nurses that found them comfortable, but I have heard that the wooden shoes from Holland do the trick as well.
So, I say good bye, Crocs. I celebrate your passing with a New Orleans style jazz funeral.
Now, if we could just do something about Uggs.

Ingrate

I was watching one of the home improvement channels and a first time homebuyer program came on about a college student looking for a condominium.
She is a full time college student and from the way things were presented, it seemed she was unemployed.
She was looking for this condo in the Bay Area of California, one of if not the most expensive area of the country.
She was looking in a very specific part of town.
She said, and this is what really grated my cheese, that her parents had managed to save “a little bit of money” to help her buy this condo. This “little bit of money” was $500,000.
For some reason this really got to me. Probably because when I was in school, my wife and I both worked full time jobs and had a mortgage to pay, (our little house cost us well below $90,000) and we struggled every step of the way.
I’m not jealous of people who have wealth or who are fortunate not to have to work, we all have different cards to play. But, to refer to $500,000 as “a little bit of money” is a slap in the face of those of us who have to work for everything we have.
I’ll tell you one thing, if my parents left me half a million bucks, you’d never see me belittle it. You’d probably never see me at all, in fact.

My bumper can beat up your bumper

Over the past weekend, I had the pleasure of driving halfway across the country and back. I’m sure I am responsible for some polar bears drowning or something, but I really don’t feel too bad about it.
I took the opportunity to observe the scenery both manmade and natural. One thing I noticed is that people don’t update things too much. I saw a Ron Paul for President billboard somewhere on the interstate. I don’t know when Representative Paul officially dropped out of the race, but it has to be approaching a year or so. I know billboards are expensive, and in this economy, I cannot believe anyone is still paying for the thing.
I saw several yard signs for candidates, as well as bumper stickers. Look, it has been eight months since the last election, isn’t it time to put away the stuff?
All of you who have a Gore/Lieberman sticker or yard sign can take them down. We get it, you don’t like Bush. But he’s gone now. You can start paying attention to current events.
I do not really like bumper stickers. Most of them are too small to get the point across or too long to be read at 70 miles per hour. I realize it is a freedom of speech thing, but I’d just as soon see none of them. It is like a visual pollution.
Of course, it does help us to be able to judge you and your cause by your driving ability. I swear I am never donating to certain causes, because I do not want to be associated with people who have such poor driving skills.
Some scientist could probably come up with some sort of a Laffer curve showing how the number of bumper stickers you have on your car is directly proportional to the size of jerk you are.
I do have a few bumper stickers that I find humorous. However, there are really only two I would ever use (one because it is scathing and two because it is funny to see a really old sticker on a new car):
1. “I’m so Green I’m Soylent”
2. AuH2O