Over the past couple of days, I was in a training course. While the topic is unimportant, it is note worthy that the instructors were subject matter experts.
The annoying thing about it was the behavior of the female instructor. She started off by saying she hadn’t had her methadone yet and wasn’t functioning up to par. She asked if there was a dispensary anywhere near by.
She mentioned her addition over 20 times over the course of the two days. I found it to be highly unprofessional. She was unable to properly carry out her job without it.
The truth is that she was not a Heroin addict, thus necessitating the replacement. But, she was addicted to coffee. Probably more specifically: caffeine.
Am I the only person in America who thinks that our society’s celebration of coffee addiction is pathetic?
People will line up in the morning to buy the stuff on the way to work. They will bring large containers of it in with them. They will buy machines to brew it at home and a work. They will get angry when there is none available. They will force underlings to make it and demand that s/he keep it on hand for the superiors use. Tardiness is dismissed by blaming a long line of other addicts.
If this were alcohol or cocaine, no one would accept this behavior, without demanding that the person seek treatment. However, coffee is cool. Coffee is gourmet. You can brew special flavors or add special ingredients. Is this done with other drugs? Hazelnut crack?
I know that pot smokers and drinkers have fancy paraphernalia, but the coffee people have the same thing. There are fancy and special blends of alcohol, pot, coke, and designer drugs. Well there are designer coffees. But I find it very interesting that the most expensive coffee in the world is picked out of the excrement of some jungle animal.
No self-respecting alcoholic would drink “Monkey butt rum.”
I am against addictions of all kinds. I think coffee or at least caffeine should be limited to specific medicinal uses (it does wonders when added to painkillers). America needs to wake up and realize that if this were any other product, the unprofessional behaviors engaged in by its addicts, it would not be tolerated.
On the other hand, if we would just tax the snot out of it, we could pay down this national debt.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Dear Disney Corporation:
I am constantly amazed at your ability to create celebrities out of young children. Whether it is Hanna Montana, The Jonas Brothers, Raven or any other of the dozens of teen celebrities whose careers you have launched, it is truly something to behold.
On that note, I would like to inquire as to whether you actually buy the children or their souls. You see I have a young son, and I am quite interested in entering into a relationship with your company. I believe it would be beneficial to both of us if you were to lease him.
I realize that he will only be useful to you for a period of about 12 years, at which time, I am perfectly willing to take him back. I am reluctant to sell him to you outright, and I really have no interest in selling his soul.
He is young enough where you could mold him into the perfect money making machine, and I would like to ensure his financial future.
Please see the attached photo. I am sure you would agree, he is quite the good-looking child.
I eagerly await your reply and look forward to many profitable years of working together.
Sincerely,
On that note, I would like to inquire as to whether you actually buy the children or their souls. You see I have a young son, and I am quite interested in entering into a relationship with your company. I believe it would be beneficial to both of us if you were to lease him.
I realize that he will only be useful to you for a period of about 12 years, at which time, I am perfectly willing to take him back. I am reluctant to sell him to you outright, and I really have no interest in selling his soul.
He is young enough where you could mold him into the perfect money making machine, and I would like to ensure his financial future.
Please see the attached photo. I am sure you would agree, he is quite the good-looking child.
I eagerly await your reply and look forward to many profitable years of working together.
Sincerely,
Enough Already
This is a list of the stuff that is ticking me off at the moment:
Awkward Turtle: Are kids really doing this? Man, kids are dumb. Add this, "Talk to the hand" and the L on the forehead to gestures that will be banned when the revolution comes.
Flag@whitehouse.gov: Report fishy statements about health care? No. I say we "Rickroll" them.
Astroturf: This phrase is used to refer to fake grassroots movements. Get it? Yeah. It is only mildly clever on a good day. However, when 60+ year old politicians use it, it is just pathetic.
Teachable Moment: Ok so the President took the opportunity to drink some beer with a cop and an angry professor. OK,whatever. But the president first took the opportunity to lecture America about racism and stupidity. How about a “brilliant” politician take a moment to teach himself not to speak out when he admittedly does not have the facts?
Indiana: The whole state.
Face tattoos: If you decide to get one, either you work in a tattoo parlor, or you are condemning yourself to a career of night shit work on a street repair crew.
Commercials that use songs I like: I know songwriters have a right to sell the use of their music, but to advertise bathroom related products?
Housekeeping: Seriously, how hard is it to take out the garbage? And, five days in a row?
Hotel laundry rooms: The communal nature isn’t really a problem, except that there is someone running around with a University of North Texas t-shirt and some used white socks.
Reality dating shows: If your main character comes back for a second season, they aren’t looking for the love of their life.
Video Games are not a sport and have no business on ESPN.
Remakes: I know being creative is hard, but if you are going to remake a movie, you really need to do a good job. Sometimes that old black and white movie staring people who have been dead for 30 years and cost $30K to make, is better than the movie you spent 2 years of your life on.
Celebrities: Look, if you say something stupid, more that 150 Million people are going to intentionally avoid your next movie.
Bling: This word has been overused for years. Stop using it. If you use it and are over 40, you are at risk of getting stabbed in the neck, if I hear you .
Jon and Kate and the Octo-mom: No one cared before, and now? You are the kind of people that crowds encourage to jump off high buildings.
Awkward Turtle: Are kids really doing this? Man, kids are dumb. Add this, "Talk to the hand" and the L on the forehead to gestures that will be banned when the revolution comes.
Flag@whitehouse.gov: Report fishy statements about health care? No. I say we "Rickroll" them.
Astroturf: This phrase is used to refer to fake grassroots movements. Get it? Yeah. It is only mildly clever on a good day. However, when 60+ year old politicians use it, it is just pathetic.
Teachable Moment: Ok so the President took the opportunity to drink some beer with a cop and an angry professor. OK,whatever. But the president first took the opportunity to lecture America about racism and stupidity. How about a “brilliant” politician take a moment to teach himself not to speak out when he admittedly does not have the facts?
Indiana: The whole state.
Face tattoos: If you decide to get one, either you work in a tattoo parlor, or you are condemning yourself to a career of night shit work on a street repair crew.
Commercials that use songs I like: I know songwriters have a right to sell the use of their music, but to advertise bathroom related products?
Housekeeping: Seriously, how hard is it to take out the garbage? And, five days in a row?
Hotel laundry rooms: The communal nature isn’t really a problem, except that there is someone running around with a University of North Texas t-shirt and some used white socks.
Reality dating shows: If your main character comes back for a second season, they aren’t looking for the love of their life.
Video Games are not a sport and have no business on ESPN.
Remakes: I know being creative is hard, but if you are going to remake a movie, you really need to do a good job. Sometimes that old black and white movie staring people who have been dead for 30 years and cost $30K to make, is better than the movie you spent 2 years of your life on.
Celebrities: Look, if you say something stupid, more that 150 Million people are going to intentionally avoid your next movie.
Bling: This word has been overused for years. Stop using it. If you use it and are over 40, you are at risk of getting stabbed in the neck, if I hear you .
Jon and Kate and the Octo-mom: No one cared before, and now? You are the kind of people that crowds encourage to jump off high buildings.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Are you a Superhero too?
I am becoming a superhero. You see I have developed the power of invisibility.
Let me clarify. It is not a fully developed power just yet. It seems that among certain people I cannot be seen. They don’t acknowledge when I say hello. There is no thank-you for holding open a door. People in elevators don’t see me approaching, and let the doors close before I get there.
Apparently, I also have a bit of a “Midas Touch” as well. It seems the things I use appear not to have an owner and are therefore available for others to commandeer.
In the office recently a group of people was moved to another part of the building. In the process of their moving, they gathered up everything they would need. Of course this included, file folders, pens, highlighters, three-hole punches, staplers and paperclips. They even took keyboards, power cords, computer mice and trashcans. The only thing they left at my desk was used staples and dust bunnies.
The use of two mice makes sense since I’m sure all these paper pushers will actually use each mouse as a controller for a separate robotic arm that will perform life saving surgery or perform delicate work in a nuclear reactor or something. Now why a person needs two keyboards, is beyond me.
The most amazing thing is that a few days later these same folks brought down box loads of office supplies. They brought clipboards, drawer organizers, pens and printer paper in such quantities, that they put some in the hallways with a sign that read “free.” It appears that other people are developing powers s well. This was a modern-day office space miracle!! It is like the fishes and the loaves. They took a few office supplies that someone was using, and came back with enough for the entire building. And here I was about to complain.
But they never did bring back my stapler, so I’m going to have to burn down the building.
Let me clarify. It is not a fully developed power just yet. It seems that among certain people I cannot be seen. They don’t acknowledge when I say hello. There is no thank-you for holding open a door. People in elevators don’t see me approaching, and let the doors close before I get there.
Apparently, I also have a bit of a “Midas Touch” as well. It seems the things I use appear not to have an owner and are therefore available for others to commandeer.
In the office recently a group of people was moved to another part of the building. In the process of their moving, they gathered up everything they would need. Of course this included, file folders, pens, highlighters, three-hole punches, staplers and paperclips. They even took keyboards, power cords, computer mice and trashcans. The only thing they left at my desk was used staples and dust bunnies.
The use of two mice makes sense since I’m sure all these paper pushers will actually use each mouse as a controller for a separate robotic arm that will perform life saving surgery or perform delicate work in a nuclear reactor or something. Now why a person needs two keyboards, is beyond me.
The most amazing thing is that a few days later these same folks brought down box loads of office supplies. They brought clipboards, drawer organizers, pens and printer paper in such quantities, that they put some in the hallways with a sign that read “free.” It appears that other people are developing powers s well. This was a modern-day office space miracle!! It is like the fishes and the loaves. They took a few office supplies that someone was using, and came back with enough for the entire building. And here I was about to complain.
But they never did bring back my stapler, so I’m going to have to burn down the building.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Rats=Lentils
I’m watching a program about exterminators on the Discovery Channel. This program is about people who need an exterminator to do away with pests or vermin that have invaded their homes. Now, not every one on the program is a disgusting slob, but the severity of the problem is usually directly related to the lack of the occupants' hygiene.
One group of homeowners has a SEVERE rat infestation. The real problem is that these three women are vegans.
Vegans as you know hold themselves to a strict code of using little to no animal products. They call an exterminator because of the rat problem. Apparently, the infestation is so bad that the exterminator recommends putting out traps and killing the rats in a process that will take about a week. But, these ladies have a “moral” objection to killing these rats. The 100% natural method of rat removal is estimated to take a year.
Waiting a year, while in line with their morals, is just too long to wait. So what is a principled vegan to do?
They propose a trade to the terminator man. If he will live as a vegan, they will let him have his way with the rats. OK, how is the exterminator responsible for the rat problem? Why is it attractive to him to live as a vegan? He is not the one with the problem or the one who wants the problem removed. They are acting like he wants to just come in and kill animals, and so to allow him to do so they are going to put some stipulations on him.
THEY CALLED HIM!!!.
Ok next problem: If killing rats is evil, how does his temporary vegan diet offset their guilt? They are ones who don’t want to wait patiently for the method that complies with their chosen lifestyle, to be effective.
Third problem: I thought it was intolerant and insensitive to force your lifestyle on others.
Fourth problem: Even though he didn’t want to, the Exterminator manager agreed to it, making his employee live this lifestyle. They did not seem to be desperate for work, and since they were on TV they had an alternate income source. Since when is it appropriate for an employer to make these demands of his employees? Why did he not agree to live the vegan life?
I posted earlier in my anti-smoking Nazi rant, that the customer has no right to demand certain behaviors of the business owner. If the businessman wants to he can meet the demands.
This whole thing has reduced me to a sputtering incoherent mess. This is unbelievable on so many levels.
One group of homeowners has a SEVERE rat infestation. The real problem is that these three women are vegans.
Vegans as you know hold themselves to a strict code of using little to no animal products. They call an exterminator because of the rat problem. Apparently, the infestation is so bad that the exterminator recommends putting out traps and killing the rats in a process that will take about a week. But, these ladies have a “moral” objection to killing these rats. The 100% natural method of rat removal is estimated to take a year.
Waiting a year, while in line with their morals, is just too long to wait. So what is a principled vegan to do?
They propose a trade to the terminator man. If he will live as a vegan, they will let him have his way with the rats. OK, how is the exterminator responsible for the rat problem? Why is it attractive to him to live as a vegan? He is not the one with the problem or the one who wants the problem removed. They are acting like he wants to just come in and kill animals, and so to allow him to do so they are going to put some stipulations on him.
THEY CALLED HIM!!!.
Ok next problem: If killing rats is evil, how does his temporary vegan diet offset their guilt? They are ones who don’t want to wait patiently for the method that complies with their chosen lifestyle, to be effective.
Third problem: I thought it was intolerant and insensitive to force your lifestyle on others.
Fourth problem: Even though he didn’t want to, the Exterminator manager agreed to it, making his employee live this lifestyle. They did not seem to be desperate for work, and since they were on TV they had an alternate income source. Since when is it appropriate for an employer to make these demands of his employees? Why did he not agree to live the vegan life?
I posted earlier in my anti-smoking Nazi rant, that the customer has no right to demand certain behaviors of the business owner. If the businessman wants to he can meet the demands.
This whole thing has reduced me to a sputtering incoherent mess. This is unbelievable on so many levels.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Hey buddy, can you spare a dime?
I have been known to help people out. I have purchased a tank of gas for the guy who said he ran out and was stranded. I’ve purchased food for someone who said they needed some. However, one thing I do not do is give money to panhandlers.
Feel free to call me insensitive, but I just don’t believe it to be a good idea. That and, I usually don’t carry cash anyway.
Since I am so stingy what I write has no bearing on the situation, but you are the one who’s reading this and it didn’t cost you anything.
Rules for Panhandlers
1. Don’t dress nicer than I do. If you have alligator shoes and pressed slacks, I don’t believe you need my help.
2. Don’t shake your money container at me. There may be some people who will instantly pull out their cash at the melodic sound of change in a cup, but I expect more of a show.
A. Don’t look like you are dying of boredom. Display a little drive or ambition. If you play an instrument that is a great way to impress people.
3. Don’t approach me with “Hey man, I just got out of jail.” I already suspect you will not use the money that was formerly mine for food, don’t give me any other reason to doubt your sincerity. (Of course since he is a criminal I should be happy he didn’t shoot me.)
4. If you are in your 30s don’t hold up a “Viet Nam Vet” sign. At least update it to Iraq or Afghanistan or something. If you claim Bosnia or Somalia, I might give you something for creativity.
5. Don’t ask the women passing by for their phone number. It doesn’t work for construction guys and they are employed.
A public service announcement brought to you by this blog.
Feel free to call me insensitive, but I just don’t believe it to be a good idea. That and, I usually don’t carry cash anyway.
Since I am so stingy what I write has no bearing on the situation, but you are the one who’s reading this and it didn’t cost you anything.
Rules for Panhandlers
1. Don’t dress nicer than I do. If you have alligator shoes and pressed slacks, I don’t believe you need my help.
2. Don’t shake your money container at me. There may be some people who will instantly pull out their cash at the melodic sound of change in a cup, but I expect more of a show.
A. Don’t look like you are dying of boredom. Display a little drive or ambition. If you play an instrument that is a great way to impress people.
3. Don’t approach me with “Hey man, I just got out of jail.” I already suspect you will not use the money that was formerly mine for food, don’t give me any other reason to doubt your sincerity. (Of course since he is a criminal I should be happy he didn’t shoot me.)
4. If you are in your 30s don’t hold up a “Viet Nam Vet” sign. At least update it to Iraq or Afghanistan or something. If you claim Bosnia or Somalia, I might give you something for creativity.
5. Don’t ask the women passing by for their phone number. It doesn’t work for construction guys and they are employed.
A public service announcement brought to you by this blog.
Monday, July 20, 2009
I was Bombthrower
Last week I posed as “Bombthrower” on several threads at bighollywood. I was inspired by John T. Simpson's post (http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/07/15/my-secret-life-as-a-conservative-republican/). Before I get too far into this I need to apologize to Burt Prelutsky (http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/bprelutsky/2009/07/16/indicting-the-usual-suspects/) and Gary Graham (http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/ggraham/2009/07/16/obama-wants-to-buck-us-up/) for hijacking their threads. But, I knew they could handle it based on the hateful comments they get on a regular basis.
I was one of a minority who thought Mr. Simpsons over the top comments were a good way to disarm the lunacy of those who would try to paint all conservatives with the same brush. I took the stereotypes that we all hear and used comments similar to them to see what would happen. (I like to take the stance of ‘if the shoe don’t fit, don’t try to wear it’ Why defend against something that isn’t true?)
Some people got upset. Some people laughed. My intention was to show how stupid it would be for someone to actually try and point the stereotype finger at us. The accuser (me) came across as an idiot. It got to the point that I couldn’t even pretend anymore and just started having fun.
I have learned a few things:
1. Bombthrowing is fun. Sorry but it really was.
2. Only a true believer could continue with certain lines of reasoning
3. For a site dedicated to Hollywood and pop-culture (industries that would die without free speech), we have a lot of people here who don’t seem to appreciate free speech. (I heard a saying once: “You can’t offend me, because I choose not to be offended.” Take that as you use fit.)
a. As such my personal computer is blocked from posting comments, even if I am logged in as my normal user name. This appears to be what hitting the “report” button does; I have no idea if it is permanent. (If anyone at BH or intense debate could un-block me I would be grateful. I have learned my lesson and won’t do it again.)
4. I learned that some people will never change their minds about anything. I feel for those who post here and thoughtfully express their counter opinion. You may not get me to come around, but you have my respect. It is difficult to do even without people jumping down your throat.
5. Some of the people who post here are very skilled thinkers and writers. I thought I did a fair job of it, I realize that I have to step up my ability to explain my positions.
I appreciate the hosts and editors letting me use the site as a laboratory. I acknowledge it was self indulgent. I wonder how many of our so called “trolls” are serious about not liking us, or are just have some fun at our expense. I’d bet many are just trying to see what will happen.
I was one of a minority who thought Mr. Simpsons over the top comments were a good way to disarm the lunacy of those who would try to paint all conservatives with the same brush. I took the stereotypes that we all hear and used comments similar to them to see what would happen. (I like to take the stance of ‘if the shoe don’t fit, don’t try to wear it’ Why defend against something that isn’t true?)
Some people got upset. Some people laughed. My intention was to show how stupid it would be for someone to actually try and point the stereotype finger at us. The accuser (me) came across as an idiot. It got to the point that I couldn’t even pretend anymore and just started having fun.
I have learned a few things:
1. Bombthrowing is fun. Sorry but it really was.
2. Only a true believer could continue with certain lines of reasoning
3. For a site dedicated to Hollywood and pop-culture (industries that would die without free speech), we have a lot of people here who don’t seem to appreciate free speech. (I heard a saying once: “You can’t offend me, because I choose not to be offended.” Take that as you use fit.)
a. As such my personal computer is blocked from posting comments, even if I am logged in as my normal user name. This appears to be what hitting the “report” button does; I have no idea if it is permanent. (If anyone at BH or intense debate could un-block me I would be grateful. I have learned my lesson and won’t do it again.)
4. I learned that some people will never change their minds about anything. I feel for those who post here and thoughtfully express their counter opinion. You may not get me to come around, but you have my respect. It is difficult to do even without people jumping down your throat.
5. Some of the people who post here are very skilled thinkers and writers. I thought I did a fair job of it, I realize that I have to step up my ability to explain my positions.
I appreciate the hosts and editors letting me use the site as a laboratory. I acknowledge it was self indulgent. I wonder how many of our so called “trolls” are serious about not liking us, or are just have some fun at our expense. I’d bet many are just trying to see what will happen.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I'm glad you're dead
I have just learned about the potential demise of the Crocs brand of “shoes.” Ok it is not dead yet, but it is apparently on it’s last legs.
While I normally don’t celebrate the failure of a company. In this case, I will make an exception.
These are the ugliest footwear ever devised. Many people tout them. “Oh, they are so comfortable.” Lots of things are comfortable, but you don’t have to wear them in public. “They are made of antimicrobial foam.” And, It is a good thing because they make your feet sweat.
I am surprised by the number of women who bought these abominations. In many cases these were women who are “Shoe People.”
These shoes only ever looked good on small children, not adults. I once worked with a woman who had a pair that matched every outfit she owned. They didn’t just coordinate, they matched. I’d bet she bought the cloths to go with the shoes.
Now, I do feel for the doctors and nurses that found them comfortable, but I have heard that the wooden shoes from Holland do the trick as well.
So, I say good bye, Crocs. I celebrate your passing with a New Orleans style jazz funeral.
Now, if we could just do something about Uggs.
While I normally don’t celebrate the failure of a company. In this case, I will make an exception.
These are the ugliest footwear ever devised. Many people tout them. “Oh, they are so comfortable.” Lots of things are comfortable, but you don’t have to wear them in public. “They are made of antimicrobial foam.” And, It is a good thing because they make your feet sweat.
I am surprised by the number of women who bought these abominations. In many cases these were women who are “Shoe People.”
These shoes only ever looked good on small children, not adults. I once worked with a woman who had a pair that matched every outfit she owned. They didn’t just coordinate, they matched. I’d bet she bought the cloths to go with the shoes.
Now, I do feel for the doctors and nurses that found them comfortable, but I have heard that the wooden shoes from Holland do the trick as well.
So, I say good bye, Crocs. I celebrate your passing with a New Orleans style jazz funeral.
Now, if we could just do something about Uggs.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Ingrate
I was watching one of the home improvement channels and a first time homebuyer program came on about a college student looking for a condominium.
She is a full time college student and from the way things were presented, it seemed she was unemployed.
She was looking for this condo in the Bay Area of California, one of if not the most expensive area of the country.
She was looking in a very specific part of town.
She said, and this is what really grated my cheese, that her parents had managed to save “a little bit of money” to help her buy this condo. This “little bit of money” was $500,000.
For some reason this really got to me. Probably because when I was in school, my wife and I both worked full time jobs and had a mortgage to pay, (our little house cost us well below $90,000) and we struggled every step of the way.
I’m not jealous of people who have wealth or who are fortunate not to have to work, we all have different cards to play. But, to refer to $500,000 as “a little bit of money” is a slap in the face of those of us who have to work for everything we have.
I’ll tell you one thing, if my parents left me half a million bucks, you’d never see me belittle it. You’d probably never see me at all, in fact.
She is a full time college student and from the way things were presented, it seemed she was unemployed.
She was looking for this condo in the Bay Area of California, one of if not the most expensive area of the country.
She was looking in a very specific part of town.
She said, and this is what really grated my cheese, that her parents had managed to save “a little bit of money” to help her buy this condo. This “little bit of money” was $500,000.
For some reason this really got to me. Probably because when I was in school, my wife and I both worked full time jobs and had a mortgage to pay, (our little house cost us well below $90,000) and we struggled every step of the way.
I’m not jealous of people who have wealth or who are fortunate not to have to work, we all have different cards to play. But, to refer to $500,000 as “a little bit of money” is a slap in the face of those of us who have to work for everything we have.
I’ll tell you one thing, if my parents left me half a million bucks, you’d never see me belittle it. You’d probably never see me at all, in fact.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
My bumper can beat up your bumper
Over the past weekend, I had the pleasure of driving halfway across the country and back. I’m sure I am responsible for some polar bears drowning or something, but I really don’t feel too bad about it.
I took the opportunity to observe the scenery both manmade and natural. One thing I noticed is that people don’t update things too much. I saw a Ron Paul for President billboard somewhere on the interstate. I don’t know when Representative Paul officially dropped out of the race, but it has to be approaching a year or so. I know billboards are expensive, and in this economy, I cannot believe anyone is still paying for the thing.
I saw several yard signs for candidates, as well as bumper stickers. Look, it has been eight months since the last election, isn’t it time to put away the stuff?
All of you who have a Gore/Lieberman sticker or yard sign can take them down. We get it, you don’t like Bush. But he’s gone now. You can start paying attention to current events.
I do not really like bumper stickers. Most of them are too small to get the point across or too long to be read at 70 miles per hour. I realize it is a freedom of speech thing, but I’d just as soon see none of them. It is like a visual pollution.
Of course, it does help us to be able to judge you and your cause by your driving ability. I swear I am never donating to certain causes, because I do not want to be associated with people who have such poor driving skills.
Some scientist could probably come up with some sort of a Laffer curve showing how the number of bumper stickers you have on your car is directly proportional to the size of jerk you are.
I do have a few bumper stickers that I find humorous. However, there are really only two I would ever use (one because it is scathing and two because it is funny to see a really old sticker on a new car):
1. “I’m so Green I’m Soylent”
2. AuH2O
I took the opportunity to observe the scenery both manmade and natural. One thing I noticed is that people don’t update things too much. I saw a Ron Paul for President billboard somewhere on the interstate. I don’t know when Representative Paul officially dropped out of the race, but it has to be approaching a year or so. I know billboards are expensive, and in this economy, I cannot believe anyone is still paying for the thing.
I saw several yard signs for candidates, as well as bumper stickers. Look, it has been eight months since the last election, isn’t it time to put away the stuff?
All of you who have a Gore/Lieberman sticker or yard sign can take them down. We get it, you don’t like Bush. But he’s gone now. You can start paying attention to current events.
I do not really like bumper stickers. Most of them are too small to get the point across or too long to be read at 70 miles per hour. I realize it is a freedom of speech thing, but I’d just as soon see none of them. It is like a visual pollution.
Of course, it does help us to be able to judge you and your cause by your driving ability. I swear I am never donating to certain causes, because I do not want to be associated with people who have such poor driving skills.
Some scientist could probably come up with some sort of a Laffer curve showing how the number of bumper stickers you have on your car is directly proportional to the size of jerk you are.
I do have a few bumper stickers that I find humorous. However, there are really only two I would ever use (one because it is scathing and two because it is funny to see a really old sticker on a new car):
1. “I’m so Green I’m Soylent”
2. AuH2O
Sunday, June 28, 2009
It happens in 5s
The passing of Billy Mays does nothing to change my last post. In fact, it bolsters it.
Depending where you start and stop the counting, just about anything can be made to connect.
Depending where you start and stop the counting, just about anything can be made to connect.
Friday, June 26, 2009
It's true! Isn't it?
Every time someone famous dies the inevitable response is for people to look for two more. Despite evidence to the contrary the “Celebrities Die in Threes” myth goes on. In part, I believe because it is so easy to make it work. It all depends on where you start counting.
This week we had Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. But people were already saying it before Jackson, and linking in David Carradine.
What is the time restriction on the counting? Hendrix and Joplin were within three weeks, but Morrison was nine months later. Why not include Brian Jones (14 months earlier) and make it “They always die in fours”? Ooo, spooky.
So, I tried to limit my research to celebrities who died on the same day. That might be something. Here’s what I found:
July 4, 1826: John Adams and Thomas Jefferson
February 3, 1959: Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, The Big Bopper
November 23, 1963: CS Lewis, Aldous Huxley, JFK
May 16, 1990: Sammy Davis, Jr., Jim Henson
As you can see hitting the “three” threshold with out stretching the length of time to get there is tough.
Undoubtedly, these are notable people, but what is the definition of “Celebrity?” I think that if you want to make the rule of three stick, you can call just about anyone a celebrity. This is a case of making the facts fit the evidence.
Don’t believe me? Just look at the Wikipedia recent deaths list. Are these people celebrities? Sure, or else they wouldn’t be listed, but the “three” business is hard to support when you see how many people die everyday.
All that said, it’s been 26 years and I still can’t Moonwalk.
This week we had Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. But people were already saying it before Jackson, and linking in David Carradine.
What is the time restriction on the counting? Hendrix and Joplin were within three weeks, but Morrison was nine months later. Why not include Brian Jones (14 months earlier) and make it “They always die in fours”? Ooo, spooky.
So, I tried to limit my research to celebrities who died on the same day. That might be something. Here’s what I found:
July 4, 1826: John Adams and Thomas Jefferson
February 3, 1959: Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, The Big Bopper
November 23, 1963: CS Lewis, Aldous Huxley, JFK
May 16, 1990: Sammy Davis, Jr., Jim Henson
As you can see hitting the “three” threshold with out stretching the length of time to get there is tough.
Undoubtedly, these are notable people, but what is the definition of “Celebrity?” I think that if you want to make the rule of three stick, you can call just about anyone a celebrity. This is a case of making the facts fit the evidence.
Don’t believe me? Just look at the Wikipedia recent deaths list. Are these people celebrities? Sure, or else they wouldn’t be listed, but the “three” business is hard to support when you see how many people die everyday.
All that said, it’s been 26 years and I still can’t Moonwalk.
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Ugly American
Last week the city I’m staying in had a large convention for an international group of insurance agents or stock brokers or something. Apparently this event is annual and held in different cities around the world. Normally they have 10,000 attendees, but due to the economy only about 4,000 attended this year. This is a large event.
So, as you can imagine my hotel was full. I have been in this hotel for a while now and have outlasted several of the housekeeping staff. I have also become friendly with the staff and can get them to give me some “behind the curtain” type of information.
For example they tell me about why the fire alarm keeps going off. (It seems some one was deep-frying burgers in their room. Once a day for eight straight days.)
They tell me about the guest who they had to evict, or the lady who caused $3,000 worth of damage to her room.
They told me about one of the guests having to be arrested. I actually saw this event start. The hotel provides breakfast every morning. They also provide a “reception” on three evenings a week. The menu rotates such that every Tuesday is the same thing. Same with Wednesday and Thursday.
On Wednesday the hotel provides hotdogs and burgers. It seems this group, I will call them Gastonians (since they hail from a foreign nation I will call Gaston.), had an issue with the menu. It seems they were reluctant to eat burgers and hotdogs because they didn’t know what they were. Ok that I can understand. I’ve been in some places where I really wanted to know what I was going to eat. The problem arose when the lead Gastononian, after leaning what the burgers and hotdogs were made of flipped out. “You have no food for Gastonians?” The young Russian kitchen lady said “We have food for everyone.” “We have no food.” “Sir, there is food right here.” Etc.
The problem was not that there was no food; it was that the food provided was unacceptable. It took about 20 minutes to get it figured out that these were non beef eating Gastonians.
This group had about 20 rooms rented. As such they sent over a five page dissertation about how the hotel staff was to treat the visiting Gastonian contingent. You know standard stuff like: bowing your head when addressing the men, removing yourself from their path when they walk down the hall. You know standard visiting businessman stuff. But, it never addressed dietary restrictions. It seems logical to me that if a group sends a list of expectations, dietary regulations should be described. I mean they will know their own needs better than strangers on the other side of the world. I know the people at this hotel and they would have made the effort to provide different meal options had they been told ahead of time. They have provided veggie pizzas for me rather than the greasy meat stuff.
The lead Gastonian apparently did not accept the explanation from the hotel staff, and was rude and loud for a long time. He apparently decided to drown his anger in a bottle for about six hours, and then made his way downstairs to the front desk. Long story short, the man was arrested and an international incident may have started.
This brings me to the point of the post; we hear how terrible Americans are when we travel. We hear that we are rude and demanding and about how we don’t respect other cultures. Alright, I am willing to stipulate that some of us are boorish, I have never met anyone who has admitted to acting this way and most of us are so concerned to be labeled as such that we go out of our way to not act American (whatever that means), but ok.
Ask me sometime about the convulsions at the elevator or the lack of changes of clothing. Just don’t tell me anymore stories about the “Rude Americans” overseas. I hardly think we have a lock on pathetic behavior.
So, as you can imagine my hotel was full. I have been in this hotel for a while now and have outlasted several of the housekeeping staff. I have also become friendly with the staff and can get them to give me some “behind the curtain” type of information.
For example they tell me about why the fire alarm keeps going off. (It seems some one was deep-frying burgers in their room. Once a day for eight straight days.)
They tell me about the guest who they had to evict, or the lady who caused $3,000 worth of damage to her room.
They told me about one of the guests having to be arrested. I actually saw this event start. The hotel provides breakfast every morning. They also provide a “reception” on three evenings a week. The menu rotates such that every Tuesday is the same thing. Same with Wednesday and Thursday.
On Wednesday the hotel provides hotdogs and burgers. It seems this group, I will call them Gastonians (since they hail from a foreign nation I will call Gaston.), had an issue with the menu. It seems they were reluctant to eat burgers and hotdogs because they didn’t know what they were. Ok that I can understand. I’ve been in some places where I really wanted to know what I was going to eat. The problem arose when the lead Gastononian, after leaning what the burgers and hotdogs were made of flipped out. “You have no food for Gastonians?” The young Russian kitchen lady said “We have food for everyone.” “We have no food.” “Sir, there is food right here.” Etc.
The problem was not that there was no food; it was that the food provided was unacceptable. It took about 20 minutes to get it figured out that these were non beef eating Gastonians.
This group had about 20 rooms rented. As such they sent over a five page dissertation about how the hotel staff was to treat the visiting Gastonian contingent. You know standard stuff like: bowing your head when addressing the men, removing yourself from their path when they walk down the hall. You know standard visiting businessman stuff. But, it never addressed dietary restrictions. It seems logical to me that if a group sends a list of expectations, dietary regulations should be described. I mean they will know their own needs better than strangers on the other side of the world. I know the people at this hotel and they would have made the effort to provide different meal options had they been told ahead of time. They have provided veggie pizzas for me rather than the greasy meat stuff.
The lead Gastonian apparently did not accept the explanation from the hotel staff, and was rude and loud for a long time. He apparently decided to drown his anger in a bottle for about six hours, and then made his way downstairs to the front desk. Long story short, the man was arrested and an international incident may have started.
This brings me to the point of the post; we hear how terrible Americans are when we travel. We hear that we are rude and demanding and about how we don’t respect other cultures. Alright, I am willing to stipulate that some of us are boorish, I have never met anyone who has admitted to acting this way and most of us are so concerned to be labeled as such that we go out of our way to not act American (whatever that means), but ok.
Ask me sometime about the convulsions at the elevator or the lack of changes of clothing. Just don’t tell me anymore stories about the “Rude Americans” overseas. I hardly think we have a lock on pathetic behavior.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The adults are talking
Can we pretend to be adults for a second? On a blog site, I frequent http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/; we have had several discussions about the recent torture memos. Sufficient time has passed that passions might have had time to quell themselves. So I would like to ask the question: Who is more of a child, the person who thinks that what the CIA does at Gitmo is torture or the person who believes that Al Queda actually tortures?
It seems the CIA interrogators have used certain practices they refer to as "enhanced techniques." These include: walling, dietary manipulation, open-handed slaps, flicking, sleep deprivation, etc. You can read the memos for yourself here for example. Suffice to say that doctors were required to be present to ensure “frequent medial monitoring takes place while any detainee is undergoing” the procedures.
The Al Qaeda organization however, uses different methods. I will not elaborate much but I do not think they were medically supervised in quite the same manner. You can read here for more.
I was called childish for pointing out the threat of placing a caterpillar in close proximity to a man who was afraid of insects. I was told it was torture.
I will say that waterboarding looks pretty unpleasant. I don’t really want it done to me. In fact, I don’t want any of the techniques described in either handbook to be used on me. I don’t think most of them are torture. In fact, I encountered most of the CIA techniques while on the average camping trip in the Boy Scouts.
Waterboarding seems to be the harshest procedure utilized. It was used on three people. It is interesting to note that in the videos I have seen, the recovery time is quick and there are no lasting scars or wounds.
I am willing to entertain that waterboarding, the harshest method utilized, might cross the line, if those on the other side can acknowledge that the other procedures are not torture. I think it is time for the grown-ups to have an adult discussion of whether these procedures should be used. I just think that it is important to distinguish what is torture and what is not. Some things are easy. Some not so much. Staying up too late: not torture. Electric drill through the hand: torture. Agreed?
If we cannot agree on that, how will we ever have an adult discussion of anything?
It seems the CIA interrogators have used certain practices they refer to as "enhanced techniques." These include: walling, dietary manipulation, open-handed slaps, flicking, sleep deprivation, etc. You can read the memos for yourself here for example. Suffice to say that doctors were required to be present to ensure “frequent medial monitoring takes place while any detainee is undergoing” the procedures.
The Al Qaeda organization however, uses different methods. I will not elaborate much but I do not think they were medically supervised in quite the same manner. You can read here for more.
I was called childish for pointing out the threat of placing a caterpillar in close proximity to a man who was afraid of insects. I was told it was torture.
I will say that waterboarding looks pretty unpleasant. I don’t really want it done to me. In fact, I don’t want any of the techniques described in either handbook to be used on me. I don’t think most of them are torture. In fact, I encountered most of the CIA techniques while on the average camping trip in the Boy Scouts.
Waterboarding seems to be the harshest procedure utilized. It was used on three people. It is interesting to note that in the videos I have seen, the recovery time is quick and there are no lasting scars or wounds.
I am willing to entertain that waterboarding, the harshest method utilized, might cross the line, if those on the other side can acknowledge that the other procedures are not torture. I think it is time for the grown-ups to have an adult discussion of whether these procedures should be used. I just think that it is important to distinguish what is torture and what is not. Some things are easy. Some not so much. Staying up too late: not torture. Electric drill through the hand: torture. Agreed?
If we cannot agree on that, how will we ever have an adult discussion of anything?
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Swine Flu Update
So last I heard, there were 17,410 cases of Swine flu in 62 countries. Of those, 10,053 cases with 17 deaths in the US. What was the last you heard?
I ask because in my line of work I have access to information to swine flu updates but, I’d bet you don’t. The interesting thing to me is that as soon as a new name (H1N1 Swine) was given to this new super disease, the media stopped paying attention.
It seems that once we named it, it was no longer important.
While it has the potential for a world wide catastrophe, apparently it is not as exciting as we wanted it to be. So, this super killer illness has become boring. I for one was wary of the hype from the beginning.
We came up with funny names for it: Hamthrax, The World-wide Hamdemic, and Aporkalypse.
I suppose things may flare up in the fall but, is it really gone? Did naming it cure it? Has it served it’s purpose and is no longer noteworthy? I don’t know. But, never waste a good crisis.
UPDATE: The WHO (not the Band) officially declared the flu a World-wide Pandemic, just days after my post. Coincidence? Actually, yes, only like three people read this site.
I ask because in my line of work I have access to information to swine flu updates but, I’d bet you don’t. The interesting thing to me is that as soon as a new name (H1N1 Swine) was given to this new super disease, the media stopped paying attention.
It seems that once we named it, it was no longer important.
While it has the potential for a world wide catastrophe, apparently it is not as exciting as we wanted it to be. So, this super killer illness has become boring. I for one was wary of the hype from the beginning.
We came up with funny names for it: Hamthrax, The World-wide Hamdemic, and Aporkalypse.
I suppose things may flare up in the fall but, is it really gone? Did naming it cure it? Has it served it’s purpose and is no longer noteworthy? I don’t know. But, never waste a good crisis.
UPDATE: The WHO (not the Band) officially declared the flu a World-wide Pandemic, just days after my post. Coincidence? Actually, yes, only like three people read this site.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Memorial Day
A departure from the complaints.
After the War (Tim Irvine)http://rope.wbap.com/mark/afterthewar.mp3
My name is Billy Johnson.
Indiana's my state.
I turned 21 back in '68.
Drafted into the army, sent to Fort Leonard Wood.
When I left my hometown, I prayed it wasn't for good.
His name was Hector Gonzalez, from San Jose.
We got stuck with KP the very first day.
After peelin' potatoes for hours on end,
Hector and I were the closest of friends.
When they put us on a troop jet, and flew us to 'Nam,
Some guy stood up in the back and read the twenty-third psalm.
He talked about walkin' through that valley of death.
I said, "Hector I'm scared." He said, "Just take a deep breath."
When we got off the plane and our assignments came in,
I got sent to Pleiku, he got sent to Long Binh.
He hugged me goodbye and turned around at the door,
And he said, "Don't forget look me up, after the war."
About three months later, he wrote me a letter.
He said some days are rough and some days are better,
And a kid named Gilardo we knew from basic training,
Was missing in action up north. "By the way, I meant what I said before:
Don't forget to look me up, after the war."
I was out on patrol in the spring of '69,
I stepped on a trip wire, took some shrapnel from a mine.
Spent the rest of my tour in a hospital bed,
With a pin in my leg, and a plate in my head.
On the plane ride home, I thought of all I'd been through.
I'd lived nine lives and I was just 22.
And I thought about Hector and what I'd promised before,
And I planned to look him up, right after the war.
Twenty-one years later in Washington, DC,
I was there on vacation with my family.
I went out to that park to see that wall,
And face up to a past I didn't want to recall.
First, I looked for that guy that Hector wrote me about,
He wasn't on the list, I guess he lucked out.
Then my eyes caught a name at the top of the page,
Corporal Hector Gonzalez, 21 years of age.
My throat got tight. My mouth went dry.
I looked up at that wall and I started to cry.
And the memories hit me like incoming fire,
From a time when we were so-o-o young,
Hector wavin' at me from the door,
Sayin', "Don't forget to look me up, after the war."
I lay awake some nights. I can still hear the guns,
Still hear the screams, I can still taste the blood.
I can still see Hector wavin' goodbye from the door,
Sayin', "Don't forget to look me up, after the war."
After the War (Tim Irvine)http://rope.wbap.com/mark/afterthewar.mp3
My name is Billy Johnson.
Indiana's my state.
I turned 21 back in '68.
Drafted into the army, sent to Fort Leonard Wood.
When I left my hometown, I prayed it wasn't for good.
His name was Hector Gonzalez, from San Jose.
We got stuck with KP the very first day.
After peelin' potatoes for hours on end,
Hector and I were the closest of friends.
When they put us on a troop jet, and flew us to 'Nam,
Some guy stood up in the back and read the twenty-third psalm.
He talked about walkin' through that valley of death.
I said, "Hector I'm scared." He said, "Just take a deep breath."
When we got off the plane and our assignments came in,
I got sent to Pleiku, he got sent to Long Binh.
He hugged me goodbye and turned around at the door,
And he said, "Don't forget look me up, after the war."
About three months later, he wrote me a letter.
He said some days are rough and some days are better,
And a kid named Gilardo we knew from basic training,
Was missing in action up north. "By the way, I meant what I said before:
Don't forget to look me up, after the war."
I was out on patrol in the spring of '69,
I stepped on a trip wire, took some shrapnel from a mine.
Spent the rest of my tour in a hospital bed,
With a pin in my leg, and a plate in my head.
On the plane ride home, I thought of all I'd been through.
I'd lived nine lives and I was just 22.
And I thought about Hector and what I'd promised before,
And I planned to look him up, right after the war.
Twenty-one years later in Washington, DC,
I was there on vacation with my family.
I went out to that park to see that wall,
And face up to a past I didn't want to recall.
First, I looked for that guy that Hector wrote me about,
He wasn't on the list, I guess he lucked out.
Then my eyes caught a name at the top of the page,
Corporal Hector Gonzalez, 21 years of age.
My throat got tight. My mouth went dry.
I looked up at that wall and I started to cry.
And the memories hit me like incoming fire,
From a time when we were so-o-o young,
Hector wavin' at me from the door,
Sayin', "Don't forget to look me up, after the war."
I lay awake some nights. I can still hear the guns,
Still hear the screams, I can still taste the blood.
I can still see Hector wavin' goodbye from the door,
Sayin', "Don't forget to look me up, after the war."
Monday, May 11, 2009
Easy Solution to a Non-Problem
Why do people feel the need to ban things they can easily avoid?
"I don't like what you said on the radio." Ok. Change the station.
"I don't like gambling." Ok, don't do it.
See how easy that is? If you don't like it, be a grown up and avoid it. But the anti-smoking people don't seem to understand this simple concept. They get government to make rules that force bars and restaurants to disallow smoking in their establishments.
I know the customer is always right. But that is a customer service approach, not a law. As a customer do you have the right to demand that they cook something that is not on the menu? You can suggest to them that they expand their menu. But ultimately it is up to the owner to decide on this.
No one is forcing you to go to that restautant or bar. You have the right to avoid spending time there. I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't spend time in places where that goes on. I make the big boy decision to avoid that establishment.
What right do I have to demand that a business that has an established theme, clientele, decor, menu and pricing structure, to change to meet my desires?
"But the children!!" Ok here is the adult thing to do: DO NOT GO IN THERE. "But, the workers!!" So, they didn't know it was a smoking establishment? They are forced to work there? The adult thing to do if you work in a restaurant and don't want to be surrounded by smoke: GET A DIFFERENT JOB. See how easy that is.
Maybe we need a disclaimer on that door that shows what happens in the building, like a consumer information panel. I'd support this if it let the owners have the freedom to run their business as they see fit.
You know, I really want to go to that strip club, but I don't want to see nudity. You need to cover those girls up.
I just moved to the country but don't like the smell of manure. Let's change the zoning to force the farmer out.
I want that home stereo system. I can't afford it. I will only pay you this much, and you have to accept it.
See how stupid that sounds?
"I don't like what you said on the radio." Ok. Change the station.
"I don't like gambling." Ok, don't do it.
See how easy that is? If you don't like it, be a grown up and avoid it. But the anti-smoking people don't seem to understand this simple concept. They get government to make rules that force bars and restaurants to disallow smoking in their establishments.
I know the customer is always right. But that is a customer service approach, not a law. As a customer do you have the right to demand that they cook something that is not on the menu? You can suggest to them that they expand their menu. But ultimately it is up to the owner to decide on this.
No one is forcing you to go to that restautant or bar. You have the right to avoid spending time there. I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't spend time in places where that goes on. I make the big boy decision to avoid that establishment.
What right do I have to demand that a business that has an established theme, clientele, decor, menu and pricing structure, to change to meet my desires?
"But the children!!" Ok here is the adult thing to do: DO NOT GO IN THERE. "But, the workers!!" So, they didn't know it was a smoking establishment? They are forced to work there? The adult thing to do if you work in a restaurant and don't want to be surrounded by smoke: GET A DIFFERENT JOB. See how easy that is.
Maybe we need a disclaimer on that door that shows what happens in the building, like a consumer information panel. I'd support this if it let the owners have the freedom to run their business as they see fit.
You know, I really want to go to that strip club, but I don't want to see nudity. You need to cover those girls up.
I just moved to the country but don't like the smell of manure. Let's change the zoning to force the farmer out.
I want that home stereo system. I can't afford it. I will only pay you this much, and you have to accept it.
See how stupid that sounds?
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
First Class Carpet
Ok so I’m flying on my monthly trip and I am waiting to board my plane. I am in Group 1. So, I get up and stand near-ish to the roped off lanes.
They have a Priority/Platinum/First Class lane. This is a strip of carpet that is roped off from the other strip of carpet right next to it. This special strip is only for these special flyers.
The gate attendant lady checks them all in and then walks down the commoner strip of carpet and uses one of the nylon strap retractable turnbuckle thing to block off the special strip of carpet before calling the regular passengers.
Ok, I understand first class having better seats. I think if I were in First class, I would want to board last to avoid the riff raff that sits in the back, but that is another topic. A special section of carpet about two feet wide that parallels and is adjacent to another section of carpet?
People pay extra for this. What is the special reward here?
They have a Priority/Platinum/First Class lane. This is a strip of carpet that is roped off from the other strip of carpet right next to it. This special strip is only for these special flyers.
The gate attendant lady checks them all in and then walks down the commoner strip of carpet and uses one of the nylon strap retractable turnbuckle thing to block off the special strip of carpet before calling the regular passengers.
Ok, I understand first class having better seats. I think if I were in First class, I would want to board last to avoid the riff raff that sits in the back, but that is another topic. A special section of carpet about two feet wide that parallels and is adjacent to another section of carpet?
People pay extra for this. What is the special reward here?
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Let me transfer you
I really hate it when you call in to a company like your credit card, you have to go through the verbal equivalent of a biometric scan. Please enter you credit card number. What is your date of birth? What is your first car? What is your favorite episode of Seinfeld? Dial 1 for the episode with the funny HELLO voice, dial 2 for the one with the sausages… Who would win in a knife fight between Tony Orlando and Pete Rose?
When finally they are satisfied that you are you, you then get to explain the purpose of the call. Yeah I sent you money but you froze my account. You know the sad story that is this problem and how they can help you solve it. They then put you on hold and you get the same musak that you get at every other company (I think they are all the same company, but that is another discussion). Finally, when they come back on they say that this is not the right department, you need to talk to someone else.
So they transfer you. Please enter your credit card, what is your date of birth… The fact that you went through the body scan means nothing. And they weren’t told what you already went through. So you get to go through that again too.
I guess I can sympathize, they probably had to transfer me to Canada from Calcutta or something, but it really wears me out.
However, there ought to be prison terms for the people who are in the same office on the same floor who pull this. You call up and you get “Thank you for calling the Department of Redundancy Department. How may I help you.” “Yes, Hi, my name is Buckwheat Picard with the Federal Waste the Taxpayers Money Agency, and I was calling on behalf of …..” so after running through your situation they will tell you “you need to talk to Jenny in Accounting, please hold.”
Ok good making progress. But when Jenny comes on “Hi, this is Jenny, how may I help you?” “UM, yeah I just explained it all to that other lady. Did she tell you anything?” “No.”
I realize that laziness is your right as an American, but seriously, jail time.
When finally they are satisfied that you are you, you then get to explain the purpose of the call. Yeah I sent you money but you froze my account. You know the sad story that is this problem and how they can help you solve it. They then put you on hold and you get the same musak that you get at every other company (I think they are all the same company, but that is another discussion). Finally, when they come back on they say that this is not the right department, you need to talk to someone else.
So they transfer you. Please enter your credit card, what is your date of birth… The fact that you went through the body scan means nothing. And they weren’t told what you already went through. So you get to go through that again too.
I guess I can sympathize, they probably had to transfer me to Canada from Calcutta or something, but it really wears me out.
However, there ought to be prison terms for the people who are in the same office on the same floor who pull this. You call up and you get “Thank you for calling the Department of Redundancy Department. How may I help you.” “Yes, Hi, my name is Buckwheat Picard with the Federal Waste the Taxpayers Money Agency, and I was calling on behalf of …..” so after running through your situation they will tell you “you need to talk to Jenny in Accounting, please hold.”
Ok good making progress. But when Jenny comes on “Hi, this is Jenny, how may I help you?” “UM, yeah I just explained it all to that other lady. Did she tell you anything?” “No.”
I realize that laziness is your right as an American, but seriously, jail time.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
alarm clock
I travel for work, so I stay in a lot of hotels. There are many things to complain about with hotels, but the thing that really grates my cheese is this.
I have moved around this hotel to find the perfect floor, the perfect layout, the right side of the hall.
I thought I had found it. This floor is one where the elevators do not default. It is not too close to the smokers rooms. And, until yesterday had been empty, except for me.
Last night the considerate hotel staff put someone in the room next to mine. Ok there are like 120 rooms in this hotel on 8 floors, and like 13 people checked in right now. So you would think you could spread people out.
You know how when you have a new car, you park it far away from the rest of society and walk the extra 300 yards so as to avoid dents. Then when you come out you have a 1981 Ford POS parked too close to your driver side door, and a new dent with paint the same color as the POS? There might not be another car for 3 square miles.
The car must be a social species. But I am not. I try to avoid other people in the hotel like the plague, because they just might have it.
So I’m in the hotel last night listening to the dog barking in the room next to me. This morning about 5:30 the occupants starts yelling at someone. So, once my alarm went off, I leaned it up against the wall, with the speaker facing them. I just let it go. I didn’t bother turning it off.
It turns out those people were there for one night.
Man, if you are going to ruin my life, at least do something long term.
I have moved around this hotel to find the perfect floor, the perfect layout, the right side of the hall.
I thought I had found it. This floor is one where the elevators do not default. It is not too close to the smokers rooms. And, until yesterday had been empty, except for me.
Last night the considerate hotel staff put someone in the room next to mine. Ok there are like 120 rooms in this hotel on 8 floors, and like 13 people checked in right now. So you would think you could spread people out.
You know how when you have a new car, you park it far away from the rest of society and walk the extra 300 yards so as to avoid dents. Then when you come out you have a 1981 Ford POS parked too close to your driver side door, and a new dent with paint the same color as the POS? There might not be another car for 3 square miles.
The car must be a social species. But I am not. I try to avoid other people in the hotel like the plague, because they just might have it.
So I’m in the hotel last night listening to the dog barking in the room next to me. This morning about 5:30 the occupants starts yelling at someone. So, once my alarm went off, I leaned it up against the wall, with the speaker facing them. I just let it go. I didn’t bother turning it off.
It turns out those people were there for one night.
Man, if you are going to ruin my life, at least do something long term.
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