It's not that kind of Movie

If you are at a theater and watching a classic movie and are the only people shouting the lines, you will be the least popular person there.
Audience partici-pation is reserved for the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Too much of a good thing

I might have been listening to a little too much Christmas music.
I called some one this morning and got a busy signal. I swear the tone beeped out in the rhythm of "Jingle Bells."

The Complete Exhaustive Top 12 List of Worst Christmas Songs that I Am Familiar With, ver. 2009

I love Christmas songs. I have been listening to them all day on Pandora. I have the car radio set to the Christmas station. I have stuff on my Ipod and have been downloading new stuff. I will even get a hankering for it in June or July. In my family we don’t really decorate all the much but we collect Christmas albums.
I am very open about my Christmas music. I will listen to just about any kind: Religious to Secular, traditional, Punk, Heavy Metal, Cabbage Patch to Surf guitar, I love it all. If Shatner had a spoken word Christmas album out I’d give it a whirl.
I have a couple of new favorites: Los Straitjackets and “Must be Santa” by Bob Dylan.
I reconfirm that Karen Carpenter and Nat King Cole are some of the best singers of all time. And the Time Life Treasury of Christmas is one of the best albums.
I thought I’d gather my thoughts about Christmas music and compile the definitive list of worst Christmas Songs. I tried to limit myself to mainstream songs (if we got into novelty songs, we’d be here for weeks), and to focus on individual songs not just bad recordings (Dean Martin’s “Rudy the Red-nosed Reindeer,” or the Andrews Sisters “Jingle Bells”).
So I present for your consideration:
“The Complete Exhaustive Top 12 List of Worst Christmas Songs that I Am Familiar With, ver. 2009”
1. Happy X-mas (war is over); Stupid protest era Lennon song. This is the Yoko influence and just stinks to high heaven. I also hate “Imagine” but that is screed for a different time
2. Feliz Navidad; it only has 19 words I the whole song, it isn’t in English, it isn’t in Spanish, but it does suck.
3. The 12 Days of Christmas; this song makes no sense, is it supposed to be about Hanukkah? If so they can’t count. Is it about slavery? I mean who gives someone another person for a gift? The only redeeming part is the Five Golden Rings.
4. Baby, It’s Cold Outside; Look man, no means no.
5. Santa Baby; I realized Santa is married, but I don’t want to think of him as a sexual being, alright? And the whole sugar daddy thing is creepy.
6. Christmas Don’t Be Late (The Chipmunk Song); One might think this is a novelty song but it won three Grammy Awards, and was a number 1 single. Why? I don’t know. I hate this song so much it should be on this list twice.
7. Christmas Time is Here {from A Charlie Brown Christmas (Vocal version)}; the tune is good but the plodding dirge like vocals! Seasonal Disaffective Disorder anyone? Come to think of it, the instrumental version makes me want to stick pencils into my eardrums as well.
8. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer; I used to like this song when I was a 12 year old smart ass.
9. Christmas All Over Again; this was written by Tom Petty and while I normally like him, this is a poor piece of work. What is Christmas really that tedious? Get into the spirit of it man.
10. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus; Apparently the Catholic Church got worked up about it when it came out. I don’t get worked up. I hit the skip button.
11. Wonderful Christmastime; I think he released this because the other fab two (Ringo gets no respect) had holiday songs out, so he kind of had to do something.
12. Peace on Earth (the version with Bing Crosby and David Bowie that is combined with Little Drummer Boy); yes I am breaking one of my rules. And since they are mine, I’ll break them all I want. This song in addition to the hey we don’t know each other lameness, has lyrics like “Every child must be made to…” What? Some sort of leftist forced education? Dude, it is the holidays give it a rest.
Honorable Mentions
13. Do they Know It’s Christmastime by Band-Aid; This is one of those mid 80’s social movement songs, and while I kind of like it, many people don’t.
14. Blue Christmas, Elvis Presley; It is such a uniqe recording that no one else should even try. So other versions are bad. But even the King's annoys people. I guess it is too stylized
15. Little Drummer Boy; Apparently this song gives people headaches.
16. Manheim Steamroller; They are fine for a while but it just becomes too much after about 3 times. They are overplayed, because people think it is a neat alternative to the more overplayed stuff. Problem is people have thought this for the last 20 years.

How hard can it be?

I mean I must be missing something.
My wife had to drop off some prescriptions. She went to one of the big box stores around lunch and asked if she could wait. She was told it would take a couple of hours since it was just a couple of days after thanksgiving and they were swamped with new prescriptions.
Ok I can kind of understand that, but if a customer is going to wait, wouldn’t good customer service dictate that you help them first? So, she decided to leave them and come back the next day.
Fast forward 26 hours. She goes back. And was told it would be about 15 minutes. She goes back to the counter. “Just a little while longer.” So after playing this fun little game for 2 hours she finally complains. “Well, we are busy.” “But, you said if I dropped them off yesterday, they would be ready today. That was 24 hours ago.” “We aren’t a 24 hour store.” “What does that matter. You still had like eight business hours.” “No, you dropped them off after 5pm.” “No, I dropped them of at noon.” Then the girl at the counter rolled her eyes and scoffed.
At this point, I pause to tell you how I would have handled it. I would have said “Excuse me but how hard is it to reach up on to a shelf, grab the jar of pills, count out 20 of them, pour them in to a bottle, and print the corresponding label? I want to talk to your boss. Today is what a Tuesday? That’s all it is for me, but for you this is the most important day of your year.
I would have proceeded to get another notch on my belt. I would not have left the store until she was fired. But then again I am a duck, and I try not to let things affect me.

You can't bring me down

The past few months have been pretty rough. Some of it you have read here. But last week I took a trip out of town.
Let me tell you, that was a great decision, because I have decided to become a duck. No, it is not a career move, but a stance.
I will not let things bring me down, they will roll of my back. I had been unhappy with work and had let it affect me. I was starting to feel like a prisoner. I am in this hotel, because I am at work. I am in this car, because I am at work. I am at this restaurant, because I am at work. Every decision is dictated by the fact that I am stuck in Indianapolis for work.
So the family and I went to visit some friends over thanksgiving. We got a little R&R, and feel recharged.
So everyone else is stressed out for work. Not, me. You can't bring me down.
People getting mad at me. OK, but you can't bring me down.
I have to go to two stupid company Christmas parties, but they won't bring me down, because I AM A DUCK.
I've got Christmas music on the headphones. The "a Christmas Story" movie showing at a local theatre this week end. I am taking vacation for a couple of weeks at the end of the year. I will not let anything bring me down, no matter how hard you try for these next 17 days.
I hope you had a good Thanksgiving, I sure did.

Is this healthy?

I have never been to a professional football game. I have never lived close to a stadium. So this has been an eyeopening experience.
The hotel I have been in all these months overlooks the Football stadium here. And Sundays have become insane. The hotel fills up the day of a game and downtown gets crowded. The people come like it is a holy shrine. They engage in what appear to be almost religious ceremonies. They have pre-event festivities, don special garb, consume vast amounts of special liquids, and generally behave like idiots.
I imagine that this is the type of thing that ticked off Moses when he came down off the mountain.
These people start all their celebrations about 8 hours before each game. and take up all the parking spaces. they have bands playing, big screen TVs, pigs roasting on spits. All for the average game.
So last week was a night game. They started all the tailgating about 8 in the morning for a game that started 12 hours later. They were loud all day. They were loud all afternoon. They were loud all night. OK not all night but at least until midnight. I have never heard such loud people. It was scary and I was driving around during the LA riots.
I must say the behavior has no equal to anything I have ever experienced. This is a devotion. This is a pagan religion.

But that's cool

I needed new headphones. I have broken 3 pairs in the past year, so I was looking for quality. I called Radio Shack. (They call themselves "The Shack" now. and I find that annoying. I'm not sure if it is the love shack or the sugar shack, but it is probably similar to Mc Donald's calling themselves Mickey D's, but i digest.)
I called to the local store telling the guy what I wanted. Yeah they have those. So I went. When I got there I asked the salesgirl who came up to me what I was looking for and she pointed the way. I looked over the product offered, and selected two that were in the range I was willing to pay.
I then went to the counter and asked which of the two were better. The girl said to go with the cool brand because they were the cool ones. The manager actually looked at the product and showed me the technical specs and explained why the other pair was better.
I was glad that the guy had remembered me and realized that i couldn't care less about fads or what was better looking. I wanted the better product. (Any one who knows me can tell you I don't give a rip about appearance.)
It is nice to know that there are still people in the world who have the customers desires at heart. I wonder how many people still buy an inferior product simply because it is "the cool one."

The week in review

1. The two time-sheet issue is back. Someone mentioned that this subject is taking up more than its allotted two minutes. Yeah, I really wish it were not.
2. 80 year old men, ladders and roofs don’t mix
3. “We don’t have time to be organized” is probably going to be a bad approach.
4. It might actually be your concern over your daughter’s disease ridden boyfriend, and not related to anything I said that makes you think everything I say is wrong.
5. Photographers at national chain studios don’t seem to like it when you schedule a setting and tell them you won’t be buying anything, and just want to have the photos that the company arranges to have taken.
6. The movie 2001: a space odyssey is one of those things we are supposed to like. It makes us look smart. That movie is a decent homicidal computer in outer space story bookended by pretentious self-indulgent crap. The garbage in this movie is the type of stuff only the filmmaker had any idea what it meant. And It is Stanley Kubrick. He made a few movies, that have good moments but he is not the fantastic director all the film students want him to be. If anyone tells you that Kubrick means so much, they have no idea what he is saying. Loving Kubrick and especially 2001 is like having a complicated coffee order: it is directly proportional to the size of jerk you are.
7. Please no more "Christmas Carol" movies or rip offs. That is a dead horse that is not just beaten, but jumped up and down upon until the gunk bursts out.

A really bad idea

I have a cold. I am pretty sure it it not the Hamthrax or the Aporkalypse, but I hate it either way. I don't do well when I am sick. So in my quest to quickly defeat this thing I have been using everything I can get my grubby hands on. The Zicam nose swabs aren't made any more, something about losing one's sense of taste. The other stuff they make is horrible. And it messes with your sense of taste too.
The effervescent taps that dissolve in water are good, but don't seem to work.
I have been using Muscinex. That stuff works. So does dayquil. And if they work well independently, they must work well together.
Not so much.
Do you want to know what happens when you mix Muscinex and Dayquil? You miss church, that's what. As a matter of fact, I couldn't remember my own name until about mid-morning today. I couldn't tell you what we did Saturday, it has been erased from my memory banks.
Another piece of advice: Do not watch "The Maltese Falcon" while mixing medications. It will make zero sense. But I did have a vision of scuba diving the streets of Venice. Do they allow that?
I think I should stick to the traditional medicines of my people: Sprite, Chicken Soup and Dayquil.

Did you even read it?

As you may have heard, I have some issues with my timesheet at work. We have two systems that have to reflect the exact thing; even though one has dropdown menus that force you into certain categories that aren’t entirely accurate. So, last week I worked for a few hours on a project I was asked to do. The person asking told me how to report my time and to just squeeze it in when my primary job got a little slow.
I wrote it up and sent it in on the two timesheets. One of them was approved. The other rejected. This was done by the same person. In his rejection he told me that I can’t submit this because there was no one to bill it to, and that I owed the primary job 40 hours a week. That you need to work until the job is done and that has to be at least 40 hours, but we aren’t a 9-5 operation and that you can’t exceed the 40 hours regularly. I can’t tell you how much to do just that you aren’t doing enough. His diatribe went on for several paragraphs. Do you remember the discussion of “Flair” at the Chotchkie’s restaurant in the movie “Office Space?” Yeah, it was like that.
So here I am on a Saturday morning with 4 missing hours, and no way to get in to the office to make them up, and a company that wants us not to work on the weekends.
So I responded by saying that I was asked to do it this way and what do I need to do to make up the time and how is that going to mess up our billing? Six hours later (and yes I skipped the family outing because I needed to somehow figure this out), he-e-mails back saying “Oh, OK that’s fine. Please resubmit your time card.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

We have a new cell phone policy at work we were given two options. Option #1 was to assume the billing of our work issued cell phones and then submit re-imbursement. Or to get new phones on our own, return the company equipment and submit the bills for reimbursement. I don’t understand it either, but ok.
I decided to go with option 2, since I am due for a new phone anyway.
I e-mailed the lady in charge of the phones, who wrote the new policy, asking for the proper forms since I was (and I quote) “going with Option 2. And will be getting a new phone on my own. So I need to mail you the old equipment.”
She e-mails me back and says “Ok I will send the information “Which option are you going with.” You know I think I just told you that in my last e-mail. But I was polite and wrote back that it would be option 2. It is kind of like the person who after having an e-mail conversation with you finally requests your phone number even though it is in your signature line on every e-mail you send.

And don’t get me started on the credit card customer service call where I had to repeat everything at least three times. It seems his script and my telling of the story didn’t line-up.

And Now For Your Listening And Dancing Pleasure

I have found some new music. But, when I say new it usually is not new chronologically but new to me.

I discovered an interesting group called the Vitamin String Quartet. They perform arrangements of modern music in a classical style. They have tribute albums to groups I have never heard of, but the one’s I’ve listened to are pretty entertaining.

If you like interesting fusions check out Nuttin’ But Stringz. These are two brothers who are Julliard trained violinists who mix Classical with Hip-Hop. This sounds like it wouldn’t work, but trust me on this.

There is another group called Rockabye Baby! That does instrumental lullaby versions of current songs. Ok this stuff is interesting. It is at times difficult to hear the melody; I suppose that can happen when you use a toy piano. They do some fun stuff like the Beach Boys and the Beatles. They also do stuff from Nine Inch Nails and Metallica. If anyone ever uses this darker stuff as actual lullaby music, please do not be surprised if your kid starts setting fire to things.

The Pickin’ On series is kind of cool in small doses. They do covers of popular tunes in a bluegrass style. My personal favorites are “Come on Aileen” and “Take On Me.”

In 2004 Paul Anka released an album of lounge covers of 80’s and 90’s songs called Rock Swings. This album is not to be studied as serious music, but if you can get into the spirit of it, it is quite entertaining.

It's on!

I have a question that I need help with. It involves e-mail etiquette, so there may not be a correct answer.
When is it appropriate to start the flame war by cc'ing the higher-ups?
I got a e-mail last week from someone in payroll or billing or something, I'd never heard of her. (for a company that has never had anyone leave, we sure have a lot of turn over) She immediately starts in with "You messed up your two time sheets. they don't match. You need to fix it. We ask everyone to assure they match, and you didn't. arrg arrg arrg." (or something to that effect.) Who cares right? Problem is she CC'ed my supervisors and some upper-ups in the company.
Now if some one CC's your boss after repeatedly attempting to get you to rectify a problem that makes sense, but this was straight out of the gate.
So I was at least smart enough to be professional in my response:
"It looks like the discrepancy is 1 hour.
The (first time sheet) section of the spreadsheet you sent does not reflect an entry in (Second time sheet) for 1 hour on Tuesday, between 1400 and 1500 for an all hands Conference call. This entry is listed as non-billable on the (second time sheet)entry that day and is categorized as: 'Administrative General Participant.'
That may be the missing hour."
I have already complained about the ridiculousness of having two time sheet systems. This error on her part was a direct result of having to compare data in the two systems. This is just a minor oversight on her part. But she came charging out of the gate with no build-up. I think that is inappropriate. I went ahead and CC'ed my response to that same people she did. This seem appropriate.
Interestingly she has not responded.
First of all, don't mess with me, my ship is tight.
Second, how about giving a brother a chance to look at something before jumping his train?
Third, I hope publicizing your error and forcing me to show your bosses that you screwed-up backfired.

12 Days

UPDATE: Andrew Klavan sums it up nicely: "But that a group of presumably serious individuals convinced themselves that they might give such an award to a man who has accomplished nothing but the winning of elections does indeed say something about Obama’s role in their lives and the lives of people like them. It shows that they regard him as an empty vessel that they have filled with their political hopes and dreams–that they know he’s such a vessel and that they’re comfortable with that. This means, if you follow the logic, that the committee has essentially presented the Peace Prize to themselves, to their own feelings and aspirations. Thus, this year’s Nobel Peace Prize is, in effect, the ultimate expression of leftism: it’s people giving themselves an enormous pat on the back for their own excellent intentions without regard to results."

Original Post: By February 1, 2009, our president had written two books, been a full-time Senator for about 1 year (3 years part-time), gotten elected, and danced at some fancy balls.
He had not bowed to the Saudi King, he had not given I-Pods as gifts to the Queen and Prime Minister of England. He had not yet started on his apology tour. He had not thrown Poland and the rest of Eastern Europe to the Bears, nor had he quadrupuled the national dept. He had not yet appointed seven tax cheats to his cabinet, not had he found any wise latina judges (actually that is wrong, they have been trying to appoint her since 1993). He hadn't known of any stupidly acting cops, nor had he ignored the hundreds of teaparties and hundreds of thousands of protestors. He had not yet urged us to report fishy behavior, nor had he then asked us not to. He had not yet ignored the Black Panthers voting intimmidation, nor ha he asked the NEA to bring artists together to support his agenda, nor had he ignored ACORN's. He had not yet given bankruptcy preventing money to us auto manufacturers, nor had they declared bankruptcy anyway.
He had not ended the two wars the US is in. He had not closed Guantanamo Bay. Nor had he disarmed the US of its nuclear weapons. He had not yet threatened CIA operatives with lawsuits. Nor had he left Israel to fend for itself. He had not yet met with Chavez, nor sided with Zelaya. He had not yet failed to support the Iranian uprising, nor had he renamed the war on terror. He had not yet reversed positions on Darfur or ignored human rights abuses by China. Nor had been put on the Security Council where he was in a better position to do so.
The ocean levels are about the same, we only have 50 states and it has snowed earlier than in recorded history in some parts of the nation.
So why did the Nobel Committee award him the Peace prize? He was not George W. Bush.

Thoughts on the Olympics

1. I doubt the recent gang violence had anything to do with their decision.
2. I doubt Blago had any thing to do with their decision.
3. Does the international community have any knowledge of Oprah?
4. I doubt the current President had much to do with their decision. That is why the stupid speeches of "how much I want the Olympics in Chicago" were a dumb move. His trip is a high profile loss and he fairly or not will be saddled with it. (for about a week, until some new Jon and Kate news comes out.) But the problem is he and his people thought his very presence would make a difference. Look, if Juan Antonio Samaranch's empassioned speech didn't work, why would Obama's?
5. Why wasn't Michael Jordon there? Or if he was, why haven't we heard about it?
6. The final 4 cities were selected over a year ago, so to rush in and say it is Bush's fault is acknowledging only a small part of the decision making process.
8. I think the fact that about half of the citizens didn't want it there had some bearing.
7. Rio is the first South American city that has put up any kind of argument that suggests they could handle it.
8. The US's standing worldwide is down, but it is not just our Iraq involvement. Our dollar is down, our debt is up, we look weak. If you look like a wimp people will walk all over you, and not just in the location selection of sporting events.

Thoughts on Polanski...

a few years ago noted intellectual Cameron Diaz urged woman to vote to keep rape illegal (at the time I was unaware of any party supporting the legalization of rape issue).
now we hear the leading political thinkers like Whoopie Goldberg are supporting rape (so long as it isn't done twice as in "rape-rape")
Why did we not listen to Ms. Diaz?, we could have shut down this whole pro-rape movement.
See folks this is why we should stay away from the slipery slope.

Working is highly overrated

“Hey can you do this section of the project? I will work on the other part.”
“Sure. I’ll email it to you when I am done.”
“OK. I will be working on it over the weekend.”
So I work on my portion. Basically it consisted of doing some calculations to determine a value, that will be added into a software formula that will compute a benefit cost ratio for a project we are working on.
I then send it via e-mail.
I then get back a message, “Can you send me the data points I need?”
“Which ones?”
“The square footage, the discount ratio, the date of construction, the project costs” etc.
“Should I just run all the numbers in the software?”
“No, I’ll do that part.”
Yeah she will do the actual importation of the data into the software, but none of the background information. So, I ended up having to 95% of the work including putting it into the importable spreadsheet format, so that another person could hit run on the software.
Then we heard her say: “I got all the numbers to work.” Yeah, thanks for all your hard work.


I have a community I work with weekly on the development of a grant application. We have a standing Wednesday appointment. We have a deadline of Halloween. So the last two weeks on a row, he emails me and wants to move it to Thursday. No problem. Except that on both Thursdays he had to cut our work sessions short by about half. So we have a standing meeting for 3 months now, and he moves them to a busier day where we can’t actually accomplish all we need to. Of course he didn’t tell me we had to cut it short until I was there. Oh yeah, it is a 1 ½ hour one-way drive for me to get to his office.

For the past year I have been told that any time I work over 40 hours in a week, can be used for time off. I can only use it at 50% but still. So last march I took a comp time day off. I used 16 hours to take off an 8 hour day. So there is a state holiay comming up that is not company holiday. No problem I have over 100 hours of overtime. So I ask my supervisor how he wants me to record this on my time sheet. It turns out I am not authorized for comptime, and the company has no record of me earning any. Wow, thanks. The company gets to bill the client more hours (and they get on my case for not working additional overtime) and I get the saisfaction of kowing they are doing it.

Cuss like a Sailor

I have found a new hobby. I will start collecting words that sound like vulgarities, but really are not. For example: Kumquat: as in Pickle you, Kumquat! I actually had a website block a post I made using that phrase. This comes from a gum commercial.
Tube Sock: I originally heard this used as “put a tube sock in it.” But, I think it is more of a “Listen up tube sock.” kind of a thing.
Twitter and Google these sound to me like dirty activities.
Tenderfoot, Gooseneck, Danforth, Woodplank, Gimblet, Dogwatch, These words all sound dirty but I don’t really know why.

I have discovered that certain words when used as either prefixes or suffixes will always sound dirty.
For example:
Grit-, Toe-, Dutch-, Dill-, Love-, caster-,
Or
-wagon, -sack, -lick, -bag, -purge, -eye, -knob, -nugget, -apple, -knocker, -carnival, -wipe, -treat, -nozzle, -monkey, -glider, -spackle, -munch, -cheese.

Doesn’t Spraynozzle, Sandbag or Casterangle sound vile? How about Noseapple, Doorknocker, or Dutchtreat? Lovepump, Dillweed and Sugarglider?

It seems highly appropriate to me that since tomorrow is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, That I should point out fo how vulgar nautical terms can be:
Gunklode, Gunwale, Keelhaul, Kingspoke, Eyesplice, Baggywrinkles, Barepole, Beamreach, Boltrope, Yardarm, Anchorchoke, Backstaff, Bouyant, Pitchpole, Anchorchock, Bungmallet, Bilgepump and Futtock.

Enjoy the tardcarnival.

Good Luck, Mr. Gorski

A coworker is telling an funny story about Neil Armstrong and the famous quote about his neighbor. You’ve heard the Mr. Gorski reference right? If not look it up when you are at home. I hadn’t heard the entire story just the quote “Good luck, Mr. Gorski.” He, the co-worker, finished up by saying it is a true story.
We’ve all gotten e-mails with titles like “Yesterday in the Gulf of Mexico” where they show a tornado next to a lightning bolt next to an oil rig. Or, recently declassified WTC photos. Or, Nationwide gas boycott on Wednesday.
The people who pass these along or retell these stories want to share something with you that they appreciated hearing. They like me, I get it. But the problem is that much of what you hear or read, especially if it is online is embellished or outright fabricated.
The Gorski story is from an old Buddy Hackett routine.
The Tornado and lightning bolt photo is many years old and has been used on posters. All people do is Photoshop a current picture into the shot.
The WTC photos were all the same ones we’ve seen for 8 years now.
The gas boycott usually asks you to fill-up on a different day, which of course does nothing to reduce overall usage.
How do I know all this? Snopes.com. They are the debunkers of urban myths. Give them a try before hitting the forward e-mail button.
Now, if I can just get people to stop sending me the chain mails. “Send this to 10 people or you will be punched in the face. Ethel Jones of Wicakashaw, Minnesota didn’t and now she has her jaw wired shut.”

The latest

1. I have two time cards I have to fill out for work. The first one is going away and so we were told we could just refer to the new one for the daily entries. The new one requires us to be detailed in our entries. The system has us break down the day into chunks of time and write up what we did in that chunk.
A couple of weeks ago we were again told that the old system will be going away, but that we now had to copy the exact entries in to the write-up sections as we put in the new system.
So the old system is going away but you now have to fill it out more completely than ever before, until it does. Asinine.

2. On September 11, 2001, the Dow Jones closed at 9605. It closed at 9605 on September 11, 2009 as well. Does it mean anything? No.

3. Why to wide receivers and runningbacks celebrate when they make touchdowns? Isn’t that their job? I think Vince Lombardi said “act like you've been there before.” One exception: If you are a 350 lb lineman and some how you score a touchdown, You celebrate all you wnat. If that is, you can catch your breath.

4. One of the most memorable images for me of the September 11th attacks was “The Falling Man.” This image apparently was quite controversial, and I didn’t discover it until one of the anniversaries. It for me really causes me to pause an reflect. Seemingly, it causes that same effect in others. On you tube there is a documentary about the attempt, for better or worse, of identifying the man in the photo. If you are interested you can find it here

5. I find it annoying that people will use an elevator to go up or down one floor. I find people who stand on moving sidewalks and escalators annoying as well.

6. I find it disrespectful to refer to significant dates in abbreviated form. For example: 6/6 or 12/7. I would rather they be referred to as the name of the event. D-Day or Pearl Harbor. That is a little more difficult with September 11th. The events of that day happened at multiple locations. This difficulty leads me to refer to them by the date. The significance of those events causes me to refer to them by as proper a name as I can.

7. The fire alarm goes off about twice a week here. It seems people are unfamiliar with how to cook with-out burning food. I suppose it might not be wise to deep fry a steak. When I moved in I had to use an entire bottle of Febreeze, to remove the burnt curry popcorn stench. So far today: 4 times in 3 hours.

8. that's all I got

The Wallet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVigFTu6dzk

Who does that?

I recently flew a public carrier again. Yes, they still have the special lane for the first class people. Wouldn't the people in first class rather be seated last, and avoid the rest of us riff raff? But, OK.
I met a new favorite person: Mr. I have no idea how this works. I kind of feel for the guy, but flying isn't that hard. If your boarding pass says "Group 3" and you can read it and say it out loud to the people around you, you should probably wait until group 3 is called and not stand in front of the ticket reading machine.
Of course this was not his only difficulty. He also had about 3 minutes worth of trouble with the overhead bin.
But he is not the only thing grinding my gears.
Who are the people who partially fill out the crossword and sudoku puzzles? and in pen? What? was it too tough? Was the flight too short? did you get bored?
I don't really think that people who do these want your help. These are not really team events.
And just so you know, the Sky Mall catalog is "Free. Take it and we will replace it." It says so right on the cover. So you don't need to tear out the pages you want. You condemn the rest of America to a month of not knowing what is on the fourth page of the Design Toscano ad, or the latest innovation from Hammacher Schlemmer. I mean one can only read the safety card so many times.

Fellow Travelers Alert

The Organizing for America people are staying in my hotel. I say it is mine because I’ve been here for eight months now.
I couldn’t really find any non-partisan information about them on the web, all I really know is that it is what became of the Elect Obama campaign.
The bus is taking up about seven parking spaces in the lot. Of course, it’s not like anyone else wants to use the lot. I mean it is not like “Lord of the Flies” around here trying to get a spot in the evening. I’ve seen Wal-Mart parking lots with less insanity. But, I digest.
I’m sure that they will show us how real grass-roots organizing works. You know the professionally painted bus, the professionally printed signs, the professionally silk-screened t-shirts the 13 million e-mail database. These guys aren’t like those artificial turf protestors who use word of mouth and sharpies to get out their message. Voof.

Some too soon, others not soon enough

The current list of stuff making me nuts:

Toddlers and Tiaras: Some network, I think it is The Learning Channel, has this show about beauty pageants for very young girls. We are talking like 4 and 5 years old. I have not watched it so I may be off base here (but I doubt it and if the president doesn’t need to know the facts neither do I), but the people would put their kids in these things are sick. Seriously, living vicariously through your kids is sad but exposing them to this should be punishable by law. They dress these children up in gowns and make up and parade them in front of America. How long before one of these kids gets kidnapped and killed by some pedophile.
For the sake of these kids, this show must die. But TLC has proven with Jon and Kate that they have no interest in children’s well being.

Apparently, Reading Rainbow is officially dead. They stopped filming new episodes a couple of years ago, but now reruns won’t even run. This is sad to me. I haven’t watched the show in many years but it was nice knowing it was there.

Speaking of dead, Tedward Kennedy and St. Michael of Jackson are still. I really thought they might come back after a few days and carry out their first miracles. It seems that the media has canonized these two men as saints, and the world just needs to acknowledge what they have known all along. The problem is you are not allowed to discuss any of their faults, because apparently they didn’t have any. We do no one a service by focusing on only the good. The full measure of a man is his life in its entirety.

Kennedy couldn’t be buried soon enough for me. The wall-to-wall coverage on 12 stations really got old. And, really it is time to bury Jackson. I realize four autopsies take a while, but really, it is time. Only problem is that his basilica hasn’t been built and no one knows where the body is.

John Hughes is still dead too, and that sucks. He meant more to me than these other two. In the 1980’s he was king of the teen drama. He seems to be an adult that really understood kids and their problems. His movies helped millions get through those tough years. I realize that kids from the 70’s and earlier or now probably place no value in those films, but to be fair, the stuff they liked is complete garbage in my eyes. I’m not arrogant enough to believe that only the suff from my formative years is quality, but I do believe it reflects the times and movies made for different generations doesn’t always translate.

Addicts in the workplace

Over the past couple of days, I was in a training course. While the topic is unimportant, it is note worthy that the instructors were subject matter experts.
The annoying thing about it was the behavior of the female instructor. She started off by saying she hadn’t had her methadone yet and wasn’t functioning up to par. She asked if there was a dispensary anywhere near by.
She mentioned her addition over 20 times over the course of the two days. I found it to be highly unprofessional. She was unable to properly carry out her job without it.
The truth is that she was not a Heroin addict, thus necessitating the replacement. But, she was addicted to coffee. Probably more specifically: caffeine.
Am I the only person in America who thinks that our society’s celebration of coffee addiction is pathetic?
People will line up in the morning to buy the stuff on the way to work. They will bring large containers of it in with them. They will buy machines to brew it at home and a work. They will get angry when there is none available. They will force underlings to make it and demand that s/he keep it on hand for the superiors use. Tardiness is dismissed by blaming a long line of other addicts.
If this were alcohol or cocaine, no one would accept this behavior, without demanding that the person seek treatment. However, coffee is cool. Coffee is gourmet. You can brew special flavors or add special ingredients. Is this done with other drugs? Hazelnut crack?
I know that pot smokers and drinkers have fancy paraphernalia, but the coffee people have the same thing. There are fancy and special blends of alcohol, pot, coke, and designer drugs. Well there are designer coffees. But I find it very interesting that the most expensive coffee in the world is picked out of the excrement of some jungle animal.
No self-respecting alcoholic would drink “Monkey butt rum.”
I am against addictions of all kinds. I think coffee or at least caffeine should be limited to specific medicinal uses (it does wonders when added to painkillers). America needs to wake up and realize that if this were any other product, the unprofessional behaviors engaged in by its addicts, it would not be tolerated.
On the other hand, if we would just tax the snot out of it, we could pay down this national debt.

Dear Disney Corporation:

I am constantly amazed at your ability to create celebrities out of young children. Whether it is Hanna Montana, The Jonas Brothers, Raven or any other of the dozens of teen celebrities whose careers you have launched, it is truly something to behold.
On that note, I would like to inquire as to whether you actually buy the children or their souls. You see I have a young son, and I am quite interested in entering into a relationship with your company. I believe it would be beneficial to both of us if you were to lease him.
I realize that he will only be useful to you for a period of about 12 years, at which time, I am perfectly willing to take him back. I am reluctant to sell him to you outright, and I really have no interest in selling his soul.
He is young enough where you could mold him into the perfect money making machine, and I would like to ensure his financial future.
Please see the attached photo. I am sure you would agree, he is quite the good-looking child.
I eagerly await your reply and look forward to many profitable years of working together.


Sincerely,

Enough Already

This is a list of the stuff that is ticking me off at the moment:

Awkward Turtle: Are kids really doing this? Man, kids are dumb. Add this, "Talk to the hand" and the L on the forehead to gestures that will be banned when the revolution comes.

Flag@whitehouse.gov: Report fishy statements about health care? No. I say we "Rickroll" them.

Astroturf: This phrase is used to refer to fake grassroots movements. Get it? Yeah. It is only mildly clever on a good day. However, when 60+ year old politicians use it, it is just pathetic.

Teachable Moment: Ok so the President took the opportunity to drink some beer with a cop and an angry professor. OK,whatever. But the president first took the opportunity to lecture America about racism and stupidity. How about a “brilliant” politician take a moment to teach himself not to speak out when he admittedly does not have the facts?

Indiana: The whole state.

Face tattoos: If you decide to get one, either you work in a tattoo parlor, or you are condemning yourself to a career of night shit work on a street repair crew.

Commercials that use songs I like: I know songwriters have a right to sell the use of their music, but to advertise bathroom related products?

Housekeeping: Seriously, how hard is it to take out the garbage? And, five days in a row?

Hotel laundry rooms: The communal nature isn’t really a problem, except that there is someone running around with a University of North Texas t-shirt and some used white socks.

Reality dating shows: If your main character comes back for a second season, they aren’t looking for the love of their life.

Video Games are not a sport and have no business on ESPN.

Remakes: I know being creative is hard, but if you are going to remake a movie, you really need to do a good job. Sometimes that old black and white movie staring people who have been dead for 30 years and cost $30K to make, is better than the movie you spent 2 years of your life on.

Celebrities: Look, if you say something stupid, more that 150 Million people are going to intentionally avoid your next movie.

Bling: This word has been overused for years. Stop using it. If you use it and are over 40, you are at risk of getting stabbed in the neck, if I hear you .

Jon and Kate and the Octo-mom: No one cared before, and now? You are the kind of people that crowds encourage to jump off high buildings.

Are you a Superhero too?

I am becoming a superhero. You see I have developed the power of invisibility.
Let me clarify. It is not a fully developed power just yet. It seems that among certain people I cannot be seen. They don’t acknowledge when I say hello. There is no thank-you for holding open a door. People in elevators don’t see me approaching, and let the doors close before I get there.
Apparently, I also have a bit of a “Midas Touch” as well. It seems the things I use appear not to have an owner and are therefore available for others to commandeer.
In the office recently a group of people was moved to another part of the building. In the process of their moving, they gathered up everything they would need. Of course this included, file folders, pens, highlighters, three-hole punches, staplers and paperclips. They even took keyboards, power cords, computer mice and trashcans. The only thing they left at my desk was used staples and dust bunnies.
The use of two mice makes sense since I’m sure all these paper pushers will actually use each mouse as a controller for a separate robotic arm that will perform life saving surgery or perform delicate work in a nuclear reactor or something. Now why a person needs two keyboards, is beyond me.
The most amazing thing is that a few days later these same folks brought down box loads of office supplies. They brought clipboards, drawer organizers, pens and printer paper in such quantities, that they put some in the hallways with a sign that read “free.” It appears that other people are developing powers s well. This was a modern-day office space miracle!! It is like the fishes and the loaves. They took a few office supplies that someone was using, and came back with enough for the entire building. And here I was about to complain.
But they never did bring back my stapler, so I’m going to have to burn down the building.

Rats=Lentils

I’m watching a program about exterminators on the Discovery Channel. This program is about people who need an exterminator to do away with pests or vermin that have invaded their homes. Now, not every one on the program is a disgusting slob, but the severity of the problem is usually directly related to the lack of the occupants' hygiene.
One group of homeowners has a SEVERE rat infestation. The real problem is that these three women are vegans.
Vegans as you know hold themselves to a strict code of using little to no animal products. They call an exterminator because of the rat problem. Apparently, the infestation is so bad that the exterminator recommends putting out traps and killing the rats in a process that will take about a week. But, these ladies have a “moral” objection to killing these rats. The 100% natural method of rat removal is estimated to take a year.
Waiting a year, while in line with their morals, is just too long to wait. So what is a principled vegan to do?
They propose a trade to the terminator man. If he will live as a vegan, they will let him have his way with the rats. OK, how is the exterminator responsible for the rat problem? Why is it attractive to him to live as a vegan? He is not the one with the problem or the one who wants the problem removed. They are acting like he wants to just come in and kill animals, and so to allow him to do so they are going to put some stipulations on him.
THEY CALLED HIM!!!.
Ok next problem: If killing rats is evil, how does his temporary vegan diet offset their guilt? They are ones who don’t want to wait patiently for the method that complies with their chosen lifestyle, to be effective.
Third problem: I thought it was intolerant and insensitive to force your lifestyle on others.
Fourth problem: Even though he didn’t want to, the Exterminator manager agreed to it, making his employee live this lifestyle. They did not seem to be desperate for work, and since they were on TV they had an alternate income source. Since when is it appropriate for an employer to make these demands of his employees? Why did he not agree to live the vegan life?
I posted earlier in my anti-smoking Nazi rant, that the customer has no right to demand certain behaviors of the business owner. If the businessman wants to he can meet the demands.
This whole thing has reduced me to a sputtering incoherent mess. This is unbelievable on so many levels.

Hey buddy, can you spare a dime?

I have been known to help people out. I have purchased a tank of gas for the guy who said he ran out and was stranded. I’ve purchased food for someone who said they needed some. However, one thing I do not do is give money to panhandlers.
Feel free to call me insensitive, but I just don’t believe it to be a good idea. That and, I usually don’t carry cash anyway.
Since I am so stingy what I write has no bearing on the situation, but you are the one who’s reading this and it didn’t cost you anything.

Rules for Panhandlers
1. Don’t dress nicer than I do. If you have alligator shoes and pressed slacks, I don’t believe you need my help.
2. Don’t shake your money container at me. There may be some people who will instantly pull out their cash at the melodic sound of change in a cup, but I expect more of a show.
A. Don’t look like you are dying of boredom. Display a little drive or ambition. If you play an instrument that is a great way to impress people.
3. Don’t approach me with “Hey man, I just got out of jail.” I already suspect you will not use the money that was formerly mine for food, don’t give me any other reason to doubt your sincerity. (Of course since he is a criminal I should be happy he didn’t shoot me.)
4. If you are in your 30s don’t hold up a “Viet Nam Vet” sign. At least update it to Iraq or Afghanistan or something. If you claim Bosnia or Somalia, I might give you something for creativity.
5. Don’t ask the women passing by for their phone number. It doesn’t work for construction guys and they are employed.

A public service announcement brought to you by this blog.

I was Bombthrower

Last week I posed as “Bombthrower” on several threads at bighollywood. I was inspired by John T. Simpson's post (http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/07/15/my-secret-life-as-a-conservative-republican/). Before I get too far into this I need to apologize to Burt Prelutsky (http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/bprelutsky/2009/07/16/indicting-the-usual-suspects/) and Gary Graham (http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/ggraham/2009/07/16/obama-wants-to-buck-us-up/) for hijacking their threads. But, I knew they could handle it based on the hateful comments they get on a regular basis.

I was one of a minority who thought Mr. Simpsons over the top comments were a good way to disarm the lunacy of those who would try to paint all conservatives with the same brush. I took the stereotypes that we all hear and used comments similar to them to see what would happen. (I like to take the stance of ‘if the shoe don’t fit, don’t try to wear it’ Why defend against something that isn’t true?)

Some people got upset. Some people laughed. My intention was to show how stupid it would be for someone to actually try and point the stereotype finger at us. The accuser (me) came across as an idiot. It got to the point that I couldn’t even pretend anymore and just started having fun.

I have learned a few things:
1. Bombthrowing is fun. Sorry but it really was.
2. Only a true believer could continue with certain lines of reasoning
3. For a site dedicated to Hollywood and pop-culture (industries that would die without free speech), we have a lot of people here who don’t seem to appreciate free speech. (I heard a saying once: “You can’t offend me, because I choose not to be offended.” Take that as you use fit.)
a. As such my personal computer is blocked from posting comments, even if I am logged in as my normal user name. This appears to be what hitting the “report” button does; I have no idea if it is permanent. (If anyone at BH or intense debate could un-block me I would be grateful. I have learned my lesson and won’t do it again.)
4. I learned that some people will never change their minds about anything. I feel for those who post here and thoughtfully express their counter opinion. You may not get me to come around, but you have my respect. It is difficult to do even without people jumping down your throat.
5. Some of the people who post here are very skilled thinkers and writers. I thought I did a fair job of it, I realize that I have to step up my ability to explain my positions.

I appreciate the hosts and editors letting me use the site as a laboratory. I acknowledge it was self indulgent. I wonder how many of our so called “trolls” are serious about not liking us, or are just have some fun at our expense. I’d bet many are just trying to see what will happen.

I'm glad you're dead

I have just learned about the potential demise of the Crocs brand of “shoes.” Ok it is not dead yet, but it is apparently on it’s last legs.
While I normally don’t celebrate the failure of a company. In this case, I will make an exception.
These are the ugliest footwear ever devised. Many people tout them. “Oh, they are so comfortable.” Lots of things are comfortable, but you don’t have to wear them in public. “They are made of antimicrobial foam.” And, It is a good thing because they make your feet sweat.
I am surprised by the number of women who bought these abominations. In many cases these were women who are “Shoe People.”
These shoes only ever looked good on small children, not adults. I once worked with a woman who had a pair that matched every outfit she owned. They didn’t just coordinate, they matched. I’d bet she bought the cloths to go with the shoes.
Now, I do feel for the doctors and nurses that found them comfortable, but I have heard that the wooden shoes from Holland do the trick as well.
So, I say good bye, Crocs. I celebrate your passing with a New Orleans style jazz funeral.
Now, if we could just do something about Uggs.

Ingrate

I was watching one of the home improvement channels and a first time homebuyer program came on about a college student looking for a condominium.
She is a full time college student and from the way things were presented, it seemed she was unemployed.
She was looking for this condo in the Bay Area of California, one of if not the most expensive area of the country.
She was looking in a very specific part of town.
She said, and this is what really grated my cheese, that her parents had managed to save “a little bit of money” to help her buy this condo. This “little bit of money” was $500,000.
For some reason this really got to me. Probably because when I was in school, my wife and I both worked full time jobs and had a mortgage to pay, (our little house cost us well below $90,000) and we struggled every step of the way.
I’m not jealous of people who have wealth or who are fortunate not to have to work, we all have different cards to play. But, to refer to $500,000 as “a little bit of money” is a slap in the face of those of us who have to work for everything we have.
I’ll tell you one thing, if my parents left me half a million bucks, you’d never see me belittle it. You’d probably never see me at all, in fact.

My bumper can beat up your bumper

Over the past weekend, I had the pleasure of driving halfway across the country and back. I’m sure I am responsible for some polar bears drowning or something, but I really don’t feel too bad about it.
I took the opportunity to observe the scenery both manmade and natural. One thing I noticed is that people don’t update things too much. I saw a Ron Paul for President billboard somewhere on the interstate. I don’t know when Representative Paul officially dropped out of the race, but it has to be approaching a year or so. I know billboards are expensive, and in this economy, I cannot believe anyone is still paying for the thing.
I saw several yard signs for candidates, as well as bumper stickers. Look, it has been eight months since the last election, isn’t it time to put away the stuff?
All of you who have a Gore/Lieberman sticker or yard sign can take them down. We get it, you don’t like Bush. But he’s gone now. You can start paying attention to current events.
I do not really like bumper stickers. Most of them are too small to get the point across or too long to be read at 70 miles per hour. I realize it is a freedom of speech thing, but I’d just as soon see none of them. It is like a visual pollution.
Of course, it does help us to be able to judge you and your cause by your driving ability. I swear I am never donating to certain causes, because I do not want to be associated with people who have such poor driving skills.
Some scientist could probably come up with some sort of a Laffer curve showing how the number of bumper stickers you have on your car is directly proportional to the size of jerk you are.
I do have a few bumper stickers that I find humorous. However, there are really only two I would ever use (one because it is scathing and two because it is funny to see a really old sticker on a new car):
1. “I’m so Green I’m Soylent”
2. AuH2O

It happens in 5s

The passing of Billy Mays does nothing to change my last post. In fact, it bolsters it.
Depending where you start and stop the counting, just about anything can be made to connect.

It's true! Isn't it?

Every time someone famous dies the inevitable response is for people to look for two more. Despite evidence to the contrary the “Celebrities Die in Threes” myth goes on. In part, I believe because it is so easy to make it work. It all depends on where you start counting.
This week we had Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. But people were already saying it before Jackson, and linking in David Carradine.
What is the time restriction on the counting? Hendrix and Joplin were within three weeks, but Morrison was nine months later. Why not include Brian Jones (14 months earlier) and make it “They always die in fours”? Ooo, spooky.
So, I tried to limit my research to celebrities who died on the same day. That might be something. Here’s what I found:
July 4, 1826: John Adams and Thomas Jefferson
February 3, 1959: Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, The Big Bopper
November 23, 1963: CS Lewis, Aldous Huxley, JFK
May 16, 1990: Sammy Davis, Jr., Jim Henson
As you can see hitting the “three” threshold with out stretching the length of time to get there is tough.
Undoubtedly, these are notable people, but what is the definition of “Celebrity?” I think that if you want to make the rule of three stick, you can call just about anyone a celebrity. This is a case of making the facts fit the evidence.
Don’t believe me? Just look at the Wikipedia recent deaths list. Are these people celebrities? Sure, or else they wouldn’t be listed, but the “three” business is hard to support when you see how many people die everyday.

All that said, it’s been 26 years and I still can’t Moonwalk.

The Ugly American

Last week the city I’m staying in had a large convention for an international group of insurance agents or stock brokers or something. Apparently this event is annual and held in different cities around the world. Normally they have 10,000 attendees, but due to the economy only about 4,000 attended this year. This is a large event.
So, as you can imagine my hotel was full. I have been in this hotel for a while now and have outlasted several of the housekeeping staff. I have also become friendly with the staff and can get them to give me some “behind the curtain” type of information.
For example they tell me about why the fire alarm keeps going off. (It seems some one was deep-frying burgers in their room. Once a day for eight straight days.)
They tell me about the guest who they had to evict, or the lady who caused $3,000 worth of damage to her room.
They told me about one of the guests having to be arrested. I actually saw this event start. The hotel provides breakfast every morning. They also provide a “reception” on three evenings a week. The menu rotates such that every Tuesday is the same thing. Same with Wednesday and Thursday.
On Wednesday the hotel provides hotdogs and burgers. It seems this group, I will call them Gastonians (since they hail from a foreign nation I will call Gaston.), had an issue with the menu. It seems they were reluctant to eat burgers and hotdogs because they didn’t know what they were. Ok that I can understand. I’ve been in some places where I really wanted to know what I was going to eat. The problem arose when the lead Gastononian, after leaning what the burgers and hotdogs were made of flipped out. “You have no food for Gastonians?” The young Russian kitchen lady said “We have food for everyone.” “We have no food.” “Sir, there is food right here.” Etc.
The problem was not that there was no food; it was that the food provided was unacceptable. It took about 20 minutes to get it figured out that these were non beef eating Gastonians.
This group had about 20 rooms rented. As such they sent over a five page dissertation about how the hotel staff was to treat the visiting Gastonian contingent. You know standard stuff like: bowing your head when addressing the men, removing yourself from their path when they walk down the hall. You know standard visiting businessman stuff. But, it never addressed dietary restrictions. It seems logical to me that if a group sends a list of expectations, dietary regulations should be described. I mean they will know their own needs better than strangers on the other side of the world. I know the people at this hotel and they would have made the effort to provide different meal options had they been told ahead of time. They have provided veggie pizzas for me rather than the greasy meat stuff.
The lead Gastonian apparently did not accept the explanation from the hotel staff, and was rude and loud for a long time. He apparently decided to drown his anger in a bottle for about six hours, and then made his way downstairs to the front desk. Long story short, the man was arrested and an international incident may have started.
This brings me to the point of the post; we hear how terrible Americans are when we travel. We hear that we are rude and demanding and about how we don’t respect other cultures. Alright, I am willing to stipulate that some of us are boorish, I have never met anyone who has admitted to acting this way and most of us are so concerned to be labeled as such that we go out of our way to not act American (whatever that means), but ok.
Ask me sometime about the convulsions at the elevator or the lack of changes of clothing. Just don’t tell me anymore stories about the “Rude Americans” overseas. I hardly think we have a lock on pathetic behavior.

The adults are talking

Can we pretend to be adults for a second? On a blog site, I frequent http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/; we have had several discussions about the recent torture memos. Sufficient time has passed that passions might have had time to quell themselves. So I would like to ask the question: Who is more of a child, the person who thinks that what the CIA does at Gitmo is torture or the person who believes that Al Queda actually tortures?
It seems the CIA interrogators have used certain practices they refer to as "enhanced techniques." These include: walling, dietary manipulation, open-handed slaps, flicking, sleep deprivation, etc. You can read the memos for yourself here for example. Suffice to say that doctors were required to be present to ensure “frequent medial monitoring takes place while any detainee is undergoing” the procedures.
The Al Qaeda organization however, uses different methods. I will not elaborate much but I do not think they were medically supervised in quite the same manner. You can read here for more.
I was called childish for pointing out the threat of placing a caterpillar in close proximity to a man who was afraid of insects. I was told it was torture.
I will say that waterboarding looks pretty unpleasant. I don’t really want it done to me. In fact, I don’t want any of the techniques described in either handbook to be used on me. I don’t think most of them are torture. In fact, I encountered most of the CIA techniques while on the average camping trip in the Boy Scouts.
Waterboarding seems to be the harshest procedure utilized. It was used on three people. It is interesting to note that in the videos I have seen, the recovery time is quick and there are no lasting scars or wounds.
I am willing to entertain that waterboarding, the harshest method utilized, might cross the line, if those on the other side can acknowledge that the other procedures are not torture. I think it is time for the grown-ups to have an adult discussion of whether these procedures should be used. I just think that it is important to distinguish what is torture and what is not. Some things are easy. Some not so much. Staying up too late: not torture. Electric drill through the hand: torture. Agreed?
If we cannot agree on that, how will we ever have an adult discussion of anything?

Swine Flu Update

So last I heard, there were 17,410 cases of Swine flu in 62 countries. Of those, 10,053 cases with 17 deaths in the US. What was the last you heard?

I ask because in my line of work I have access to information to swine flu updates but, I’d bet you don’t. The interesting thing to me is that as soon as a new name (H1N1 Swine) was given to this new super disease, the media stopped paying attention.

It seems that once we named it, it was no longer important.

While it has the potential for a world wide catastrophe, apparently it is not as exciting as we wanted it to be. So, this super killer illness has become boring. I for one was wary of the hype from the beginning.

We came up with funny names for it: Hamthrax, The World-wide Hamdemic, and Aporkalypse.

I suppose things may flare up in the fall but, is it really gone? Did naming it cure it? Has it served it’s purpose and is no longer noteworthy? I don’t know. But, never waste a good crisis.


UPDATE: The WHO (not the Band) officially declared the flu a World-wide Pandemic, just days after my post. Coincidence? Actually, yes, only like three people read this site.

Memorial Day

A departure from the complaints.

After the War (Tim Irvine)http://rope.wbap.com/mark/afterthewar.mp3

My name is Billy Johnson.
Indiana's my state.
I turned 21 back in '68.
Drafted into the army, sent to Fort Leonard Wood.
When I left my hometown, I prayed it wasn't for good.

His name was Hector Gonzalez, from San Jose.
We got stuck with KP the very first day.
After peelin' potatoes for hours on end,
Hector and I were the closest of friends.

When they put us on a troop jet, and flew us to 'Nam,
Some guy stood up in the back and read the twenty-third psalm.
He talked about walkin' through that valley of death.
I said, "Hector I'm scared." He said, "Just take a deep breath."

When we got off the plane and our assignments came in,
I got sent to Pleiku, he got sent to Long Binh.
He hugged me goodbye and turned around at the door,
And he said, "Don't forget look me up, after the war."

About three months later, he wrote me a letter.
He said some days are rough and some days are better,
And a kid named Gilardo we knew from basic training,
Was missing in action up north. "By the way, I meant what I said before:
Don't forget to look me up, after the war."

I was out on patrol in the spring of '69,
I stepped on a trip wire, took some shrapnel from a mine.
Spent the rest of my tour in a hospital bed,
With a pin in my leg, and a plate in my head.

On the plane ride home, I thought of all I'd been through.
I'd lived nine lives and I was just 22.
And I thought about Hector and what I'd promised before,
And I planned to look him up, right after the war.

Twenty-one years later in Washington, DC,
I was there on vacation with my family.
I went out to that park to see that wall,
And face up to a past I didn't want to recall.

First, I looked for that guy that Hector wrote me about,
He wasn't on the list, I guess he lucked out.
Then my eyes caught a name at the top of the page,
Corporal Hector Gonzalez, 21 years of age.

My throat got tight. My mouth went dry.
I looked up at that wall and I started to cry.
And the memories hit me like incoming fire,
From a time when we were so-o-o young,
Hector wavin' at me from the door,
Sayin', "Don't forget to look me up, after the war."

I lay awake some nights. I can still hear the guns,
Still hear the screams, I can still taste the blood.
I can still see Hector wavin' goodbye from the door,
Sayin', "Don't forget to look me up, after the war."

Easy Solution to a Non-Problem

Why do people feel the need to ban things they can easily avoid?
"I don't like what you said on the radio." Ok. Change the station.
"I don't like gambling." Ok, don't do it.

See how easy that is? If you don't like it, be a grown up and avoid it. But the anti-smoking people don't seem to understand this simple concept. They get government to make rules that force bars and restaurants to disallow smoking in their establishments.

I know the customer is always right. But that is a customer service approach, not a law. As a customer do you have the right to demand that they cook something that is not on the menu? You can suggest to them that they expand their menu. But ultimately it is up to the owner to decide on this.

No one is forcing you to go to that restautant or bar. You have the right to avoid spending time there. I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't spend time in places where that goes on. I make the big boy decision to avoid that establishment.

What right do I have to demand that a business that has an established theme, clientele, decor, menu and pricing structure, to change to meet my desires?

"But the children!!" Ok here is the adult thing to do: DO NOT GO IN THERE. "But, the workers!!" So, they didn't know it was a smoking establishment? They are forced to work there? The adult thing to do if you work in a restaurant and don't want to be surrounded by smoke: GET A DIFFERENT JOB. See how easy that is.

Maybe we need a disclaimer on that door that shows what happens in the building, like a consumer information panel. I'd support this if it let the owners have the freedom to run their business as they see fit.

You know, I really want to go to that strip club, but I don't want to see nudity. You need to cover those girls up.
I just moved to the country but don't like the smell of manure. Let's change the zoning to force the farmer out.
I want that home stereo system. I can't afford it. I will only pay you this much, and you have to accept it.
See how stupid that sounds?

First Class Carpet

Ok so I’m flying on my monthly trip and I am waiting to board my plane. I am in Group 1. So, I get up and stand near-ish to the roped off lanes.
They have a Priority/Platinum/First Class lane. This is a strip of carpet that is roped off from the other strip of carpet right next to it. This special strip is only for these special flyers.
The gate attendant lady checks them all in and then walks down the commoner strip of carpet and uses one of the nylon strap retractable turnbuckle thing to block off the special strip of carpet before calling the regular passengers.
Ok, I understand first class having better seats. I think if I were in First class, I would want to board last to avoid the riff raff that sits in the back, but that is another topic. A special section of carpet about two feet wide that parallels and is adjacent to another section of carpet?
People pay extra for this. What is the special reward here?

Let me transfer you

I really hate it when you call in to a company like your credit card, you have to go through the verbal equivalent of a biometric scan. Please enter you credit card number. What is your date of birth? What is your first car? What is your favorite episode of Seinfeld? Dial 1 for the episode with the funny HELLO voice, dial 2 for the one with the sausages… Who would win in a knife fight between Tony Orlando and Pete Rose?
When finally they are satisfied that you are you, you then get to explain the purpose of the call. Yeah I sent you money but you froze my account. You know the sad story that is this problem and how they can help you solve it. They then put you on hold and you get the same musak that you get at every other company (I think they are all the same company, but that is another discussion). Finally, when they come back on they say that this is not the right department, you need to talk to someone else.
So they transfer you. Please enter your credit card, what is your date of birth… The fact that you went through the body scan means nothing. And they weren’t told what you already went through. So you get to go through that again too.
I guess I can sympathize, they probably had to transfer me to Canada from Calcutta or something, but it really wears me out.
However, there ought to be prison terms for the people who are in the same office on the same floor who pull this. You call up and you get “Thank you for calling the Department of Redundancy Department. How may I help you.” “Yes, Hi, my name is Buckwheat Picard with the Federal Waste the Taxpayers Money Agency, and I was calling on behalf of …..” so after running through your situation they will tell you “you need to talk to Jenny in Accounting, please hold.”
Ok good making progress. But when Jenny comes on “Hi, this is Jenny, how may I help you?” “UM, yeah I just explained it all to that other lady. Did she tell you anything?” “No.”
I realize that laziness is your right as an American, but seriously, jail time.

alarm clock

I travel for work, so I stay in a lot of hotels. There are many things to complain about with hotels, but the thing that really grates my cheese is this.
I have moved around this hotel to find the perfect floor, the perfect layout, the right side of the hall.
I thought I had found it. This floor is one where the elevators do not default. It is not too close to the smokers rooms. And, until yesterday had been empty, except for me.
Last night the considerate hotel staff put someone in the room next to mine. Ok there are like 120 rooms in this hotel on 8 floors, and like 13 people checked in right now. So you would think you could spread people out.
You know how when you have a new car, you park it far away from the rest of society and walk the extra 300 yards so as to avoid dents. Then when you come out you have a 1981 Ford POS parked too close to your driver side door, and a new dent with paint the same color as the POS? There might not be another car for 3 square miles.
The car must be a social species. But I am not. I try to avoid other people in the hotel like the plague, because they just might have it.
So I’m in the hotel last night listening to the dog barking in the room next to me. This morning about 5:30 the occupants starts yelling at someone. So, once my alarm went off, I leaned it up against the wall, with the speaker facing them. I just let it go. I didn’t bother turning it off.
It turns out those people were there for one night.
Man, if you are going to ruin my life, at least do something long term.

Topper

I really get tired of the Topper. You know the guy who has to have a story better than yours? If you stubbed your toe last night, he broke his off and reattached it with baling wire.
I’m all for people hearing a story and then telling one similar, but Topper can’t enjoy someone’s story. He has to beat you at everything he has ever done in his entire life.
I worked with a guy who was a Topper, but he had an additional twist. His stories all started the same way: “That’s nothin’. When I was in the military…” For example: “I had some spicy Thai food last night.” Topper would say, “That’s nothin’. When I was in the military I had Thai food in Thailand made with fire ants and napalm and cooked with fuel rods from a nuclear submarine.”
He was insufferable. It got so bad that we started to mock the guy, not just behind his back, but to his face. Every “That’s nothin’…” story was met with one of our own. He’d talk about some Filipina prostitute or something, and one of us would come back with “That’s nothin’. When I was in the military I had to melt hookers of the hull of the ship with a blow torch.”
He would then say, “I didn’t know you were in the military.”
The guy was pathetic. And he still owes me five bucks.

Earth Hour

What the hell is this? Make a change by turning your lights off for one hour? This makes as much sense as buying your gas on Tuesday or Thursday just so you say you didn’t buy it on Wednesday.
The organizers realize this is a symbolic event, and “The purpose of the event was not to save money or power.” It actually will use more power, because of all the promotion that went it to it and people going to events. What a steaming load this is.
People forget that if everyone did this we very well might cause blackouts. If we all turn our power on at the same time, our local grid will be overwhelmed. To prevent this they keep the generators turning so as to be ready for the massive drain of everyone coming online at once.
In 2008 Google turned their home page black to “Raise awareness” but people got confused and couldn’t remember how to Google, due to the unanticipated trauma of a different colored screen. I go through this every time yahoo changes their lay out, so I guess I can’t be too critical.
Of course, a black screen does nothing to cut energy use. Although that conflicts with what we were told, earlier this year: that two Google searches equals destruction of the ozone layer.
Of course, if Google uses a black screen, and people can’t figure out how to use it, maybe the ozone layer won’t be depleted by superfluous self-Googleing. (I’ve been Googling myself for years, but can stop whenever I want.)
This is about as effective as putting a green logo in your screen.
This is a symbolic act, and modern thinkers and the newly enlightened see no need for symbolism or ceremony. Right? I bet the same people who support earth hour are the same people who think marriage ceremonies or going to church are useless.
I will not be one of the useful idiots participating.
And, then there are the people who voluntarily live with out a refrigerator. Don’t get me started

Wikipedia: the source of all knowledge

I like Wikipedia. It is a great way to get a little information on stuff that comes to me while I am supposed to be working.

I know some of you will raise your hands and say “Ooh, ooh teacher, teacher!! Ooh, Ooh!! Wikipedia is inaccurate because anyone can post whatever they want.”

That is exactly what ticks me off. This is a type of site snobbery. “I am going to demonstrate my superior web prowess, by denigrating your obvious lack of intellectual curiosity, which causes you to resort to electronic laziness” You know what? I could not care less (If I hear another “could care less” I might stab someone in the throat.) what you think of my web surfing habits.

The other one is “I don’t use Wikipedia because it suffers from if you say it enough it becomes true.” Well, guess what? The winners write history. Same with facts. Deal with it.

The other form of site snobbery is the “I’ve been using Wikipedia since it had less than X articles.” Well, good for you. I personally don’t have the time or the desire to keep track of such important information. But, if you feel a boost in your fragile self-esteem by finding something on the WORLD WIDE web, hey, that’s great.

Of course, there are the others who will feel self important by pointing out that they don’t use that site anymore, because it is commercialized. Yeah, it’s all about the money now. It used to be about the music. You’ve sold out, man.

I usually just shrug and say “Ok”, that really seems to make them mad.